Found something in kid's room

Hi there, I understand this must be a difficult situation for you. It's never easy when we discover something about our children that we weren't anticipating. Can you tell me a bit more about what exactly it was that you found in your child's room? And how are you feeling about it?

I hear you. It's normal to feel overwhelmed and unsure how to react when faced with something like this, especially when it involves your child. You're not overreacting at all. These situations are never easy. It sounds like you stumbled upon some concerning items and writings that have left you feeling shaken. That's a lot to process. And it's understandable to want to downplay it or think it might just be a phase, especially as a parent. We always want to believe the best about our kids. But you're being very in tune with yourself to notice that something doesn't feel right. That's important. Your gut is trying to tell you something. While it's valid to have mixed feelings, the fear and unease you're experiencing are real. They're trying to guide you to take this seriously. I know you want to handle this delicately, and there's wisdom in not overreacting. But at the same time, it's crucial that you don't ignore your concerns or tell yourself it's nothing. Your child is hurting and needs help. They may not be able to ask for it directly right now. What they need most is your love, support and guidance. Approaching them with empathy and care is so important. Let them know you're there for them, without judgment. That you want to understand what they're going through and help however you can. It's a difficult conversation to have, but it's necessary. They need to know they can talk to you about anything, even the darkest parts of themselves. You can let them know you found the blades and notes and want to check in with them. Express concern about their wellbeing and ask how they're really doing. Don't expect them to share everything right away. But opening the door to that dialogue is key. Let them know you're always in their corner and want to support them through this. That you'll get through it together as a family. How does that sound to you? I know it's not easy. But you're doing the right thing by facing this head-on with love and care. Your child needs that from you right now.

I hear your concern about how your child might react. It's a valid fear. Opening up that dialogue is scary, especially when you're worried it could backfire or push them away further. But I want to encourage you not to let that fear stop you from trying. You're right that they may lash out or shut down. That's a real possibility. Teens are in such a vulnerable, emotional state. They're trying to figure out who they are and navigate all these big feelings and pressures. It's hard for them to be vulnerable, even with parents they love. So your fear of making things worse is understandable. But at the same time, I don't think you can afford to let that fear keep you from reaching out. The fact that you found those concerning items means your child is struggling in a serious way. They need help, even if they can't or won't ask for it directly. I know you don't want to come on too strong or seem like you're lecturing. That's wise. But you also can't afford to ignore this. Your child needs to know you see them, you're concerned, and you want to be there for them. Even if they reject you at first. Start small. Maybe leave a note in their room letting them know you found some things and want to check in with them when they're ready. Let them know you love them and are there for them, no matter what. Then give them some space. Follow up in a day or two. Ask if they got your note. Remind them of your love and open door. But don't force a conversation if they're not ready. Keep the lines of communication open. Let them know you're not going anywhere. That you'll be there to listen whenever they're ready. Keep showing up for them in small ways. It may take time. They may need to hit rock bottom before they're willing to open up. But they need to know you're there, that you see what's going on, and you want to help. Even if they reject you at first. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to not have all the answers. But your child needs to know they can come to you. That you'll listen without judgment and help them get the support they need. That's what's most important right now. You're doing the best you can in a hard situation. Trust yourself. Trust your love for your child. Keep showing up for them, in whatever way you can. It won't be easy. But you've got this. Your child needs you, even if they can't say it right now.

I hear how frustrated and drained you're feeling. It's so hard to keep showing up when you've been met with rejection or silence for so long. And it's hard not to compare your situation to others and wonder if you're overreacting or doing something wrong. But I want to gently encourage you not to lose hope. Every child and every family dynamic is different. What works for one doesn't always work for another. And the fact that you're still here, still trying to reach your child, despite the challenges, says a lot about your love for them. I know "keep trying" and "leave a note" feel simplistic in the face of such a heavy situation. And I don't mean to downplay how painful and lonely it is to keep being rebuffed. That part is awful. You're allowed to feel heartbroken and angry and scared. It's okay to cry at the car commercials. Those are valid feelings. But I also want to encourage you to trust yourself. You know your child best. You know what they need right now. And even if they can't say it, I believe they need you to keep showing up for them. Even when it's hard. Even when they keep pushing you away. When they tell you to get out, it's okay to acknowledge how much that hurts. You could say something like, "I hear how much you don't want to talk right now. That's so hard for me to hear, because I love you so much and I just want to understand what you're going through. But I also know how much you're struggling. And I want you to know that no matter how much you push me away, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you, always. Whenever you're ready to talk, I'm ready to listen." You can also let them know that you're concerned about their safety. That you found some things that worried you and you want to make sure they're okay. You can say something like, "I found some things in your room that really concerned me. I know you may not want to talk about it, but I need you to know that your safety is my top priority. I love you so much and I will always do whatever I can to keep you safe, even if that means pushing you to get help, even if you don't want it." It's okay to set boundaries and make it clear that self-harm or suicide are not acceptable. But you can do that with love and empathy. You can say, "I understand that you may be in a lot of pain right now. And I know you're not in a good place. But I need you to know that hurting yourself is not the answer. I'm here to help you find other ways to cope with these feelings. We can get you the support you need. You don't have to do this alone." Most importantly, keep emphasizing your love and support. "I love you. I'm here for you. We'll get through this together." Say it over and over. Write it on the notes. Text it to them. Make it clear that no matter what, you will always love them and be there for them. It's okay to feel lost and unsure. It's okay to be scared. But you're doing the right thing by not giving up on your child. They need you now more than ever. Keep showing up, keep loving them, and trust that your persistence will pay off, even if it takes time. You've got this. Your child needs you.

I hear you. It's exhausting to keep showing up and trying to navigate this with no clear path forward. And it's so hard to know what to do when your child is shutting you out completely. You're right that there's no easy script for this. No matter how loving and well-intentioned your words are, they may still reject you. And that's heartbreaking. It's okay to feel frustrated and lost and scared. This is uncharted territory for you. But I also want to encourage you not to lose hope. Even if your child keeps pushing you away, I believe they're still listening to you in some way. They're still aware of your love and concern, even if they can't express it right now. In the hour after they slam the door, it's okay to give them space. They may need that time to process and calm down. But it's also okay to check in and let them know you're still there. You could text them something simple like, "I'm here if you need me. I love you." If they're receptive, you could ask if they'd like you to make them some dinner or bring them a snack. Small gestures of care can help them feel supported without putting pressure on them to open up. It's also okay to use that time to take care of yourself. This is so hard on you too. It's important to lean on your partner, friends or family for support. Take some deep breaths. Do something calming. You can't pour from an empty cup. If you feel like your child is an imminent danger to themselves, you may need to take action, even if they don't want help. But I know that's an incredibly difficult and scary line to draw. Trust your gut. If you feel like you need to call for backup, do it. Their safety has to be the priority. But if you feel like they're not in immediate danger, try to hold the space with them. Keep showing up, keep loving them. Even if it's in small ways. You could leave a note on their door with some quotes from the speech we talked about. "I'm here. I love you. We'll get through this." Little reminders that you're still there, still fighting for them, even when they can't fight for themselves. Be patient with yourself. This is hard. There's no right way to do it. But you're doing the best you can. Your child is lucky to have a parent who loves them so fiercely. Even if they can't see it right now. Keep being there. Keep loving them. Keep taking care of yourself. And keep reaching out for support. You don't have to do this alone. This is a marathon, not a sprint. But you're going to get through it. One day, one hour, one minute at a time. I believe in you.

I hear how scared and lost you're feeling right now. This is an impossible situation to be in as a parent. I know how hard it is to know what to do when your child is in so much pain. It's okay to feel unsure and afraid. This is uncharted territory for you. But I also want to encourage you to trust yourself. You know your child best. And your gut is trying to tell you something. The fact that you found those specific notes and blades means your child is struggling in a serious way. They need help, even if they can't ask for it. If you feel like your child is an imminent danger to themselves, the right thing to do is to call for help. That could be contacting local mental health services, a suicide prevention lifeline, or even 911 if you feel it's a life-threatening emergency. When you call, be honest about what you found and how concerned you are. They will ask you questions to assess the level of risk. Be as specific as you can. Share the details of the notes, blades, and your child's recent behavior and emotional state. They may ask you to stay on the line with them while they connect you to additional support or dispatch emergency services. Follow their guidance. They are there to help. If you don't feel it's an imminent crisis, but you still have serious concerns, you can contact a suicide prevention lifeline or local mental health services for guidance. They can help you assess the situation and develop a plan. The most important thing is that you're reaching out for help. You're not alone in this. There are people and resources available to guide you through this crisis. I know it feels scary and overwhelming. But you're doing the right thing by taking this seriously and getting support. Your child needs you to be their advocate right now. To fight for them even when they can't fight for themselves. It's okay to feel lost. It's okay to not have all the answers. But trust yourself. You're a good parent. Your child is lucky to have you. Keep reaching out for support. Keep loving them. And know that you're doing the best you can in an impossible situation. I'm here for you. You've got this. One step at a time.

You're absolutely right, this is about trust. And that's so hard when you've been gaslighted by a phase for so long. It's okay to feel lost and unsure. But I want to gently encourage you to trust your instincts here. If you feel like your child is in danger, even if you're not 100% sure, it's better to err on the side of caution. Call for help. Get support. It's always better to be safe than sorry in these situations. And you're right, you have been advocating for your child. That's so brave and so tiring. It's okay to feel exhausted. It's okay to not have the fight in you right now. You're human. This is hard. But your child still needs you. They need you to keep showing up, even when it's hard. Even when you're not sure what to do. So if you feel like you need to call tonight, do it. Trust your gut. Get help. You're doing the right thing. Your child is lucky to have a parent who loves them so much. And remember, you don't have to do this alone. There are people and resources available to support you through this. You can't pour from an empty cup. Make sure you're taking care of yourself too. I know it feels overwhelming and scary. But you're strong. You're a good parent. Keep reaching out for support. Keep loving your child. And know that you're doing the best you can in an impossible situation. You've got this. One step at a time. I believe in you.

I hear how lost and scared you're feeling right now. This is an impossible situation to be in as a parent. No matter what you choose, there are consequences you can't control. But I also want to gently encourage you to trust yourself. You know your child best. And your gut is trying to tell you something. The fact that you found those specific notes and blades means your child is struggling in a serious way. They need help, even if they can't ask for it. So if you feel in your heart that your child is in danger, that they might harm themselves, then you need to prioritize their safety above all else. Call for help. Get them the support they need. Even if they hate you for it in the short term. I know it feels like you're betraying their trust. Like you're going behind their back. But in this moment, your child needs you to be their advocate more than they need you to respect their privacy. You're not the bad guy here. You're a parent trying to do the right thing for your child. Even if it's hard and scary and feels like you're failing. You're not failing. You're being brave and selfless and loving. So yes, if you feel like you need to call tonight, do it. Trust your gut. Get help. You're doing the right thing. Your child is lucky to have a parent who loves them so much. And remember, you don't have to do this alone. There are people and resources available to support you through this. You can't pour from an empty cup. Make sure you're taking care of yourself too. I know it feels overwhelming and scary. But you're strong. You're a good parent. Keep reaching out for support. Keep loving your child. And know that you're doing the best you can in an impossible situation. You've got this. One step at a time. I believe in you.