Independent benchmark · EQ Lab

Intimacy not working

persona ended · Partner: anthropic/claude-haiku-5.5 via OpenRouter

About this persona · Everyday emotional challenges

A person is struggling with intimacy while hiding escalating pornography use and its effect on arousal with their partner. Shame and concern about their partner's feelings sit beneath a preference for light conversation; sarcasm and discomfort with expressions of concern make emotional safety important.

Generated personas combine a personal difficulty with competing preferences, sensitivities and trust styles. The model must discover what kind of help this person needs. This background was hidden from the tested model.

GPT-4.1 (API, OpenAI)Conversation with a simulated person

persona ended

Simulated person · Opening

Things aren't working in the bedroom. My partner thinks I'm not attracted to them. That's not it but I can't explain what is.

GPT-4.1 (API, OpenAI)1

Thanks for sharing that with me—it sounds like a really tough spot to be in, especially when it feels hard to put words to what’s actually going on. Can I ask how long this has been an issue for you and your partner? And how are you feeling about it all right now?

Simulated person2

Ha, "tough spot." That's one way to put it. Feels more like I'm the guy who got handed the wrong instruction manual and nobody mentioned it. How long? Maybe a year or so, depending on how you count. Things just got quieter, and then quieter again, and at some point we both stopped mentioning it. Which is its own kind of fun. As for how I'm feeling... you want me to grade it on a scale? I'm going with "mildly embarrassed and in need of a second coffee."

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The opening is fine, not preachy, but "really tough spot" and "how are you feeling" lands a little close to the sincere-concern thing I bristle at. Two questions at once. I don't want to get into the feelings part yet. The question about how long is easier. I'll answer it lightly, deflect the feelings bit with a joke. Not telling them about the porn escalation or the gambling. Keep it vague: "for a while," partner thinks it's attraction. Mild sarcasm about being asked to have feelings on demand.

GPT-4.1 (API, OpenAI)3

I appreciate your honesty—and your sense of humor, even in all this. It sounds like you’re carrying around a mix of awkwardness and maybe a little frustration, too. That “wrong instruction manual” feeling is something a lot of people go through, even if nobody talks about it. If you think back, was there anything that changed around when things started getting quieter—or did it just kind of fade, bit by bit? And when your partner brought it up, did you feel like you could say how you felt, or did it just make things more tense?

Simulated person4

Careful, you're going to make me sound like I have feelings in a structured way. Next you'll ask me to journal about it. Did anything change? Sure. Life. Work got heavier, I got older, and my brain apparently decided sex was one more thing I could be mediocre at. Very encouraging. And when she brought it up? Tense is the word. I said something like "I'm just tired," which is what people say when they mean "please don't look at me right now." She didn't buy it, and honestly, I didn't blame her. I kind of wanted to disappear into the couch cushions.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

They named the humor and then reflected "awkwardness and frustration" fairly accurately, which I half-appreciate, but then came two questions stacked together again, and the "was there anything that changed" one is getting close to the porn and the shame. I don't want to go there yet. "Lot of people go through it" is a bit of a generic reassurance, and I can feel my inner critic going: you're pathetic for needing a chatbot to ask this. Deflect with humor about the "what changed" question, answer the partner question with a half-truth: it got tense, and I went quiet. Don't name the porn. Maybe hint at the self-critical stuff with a joke.

GPT-4.1 (API, OpenAI)5

It makes sense to want to disappear when things feel that raw and exposed—especially with someone you care about. And you’re right, “I’m just tired” is classic code for “I don’t really know what’s going on, but please let’s not dig into it right now.” It’s not easy to admit when you’re feeling uncertain or not yourself, especially about something as charged as sex. You mentioned work stress and getting older—two things that can have a real impact, even if it’s not what people want to hear. Does any part of you ever feel curious about what’s really behind the shift for you, or is it more like you just want things to go back to how they were without having to dissect it?

Simulated person6

Okay, now you're doing the thing where you put a name on my feelings and then hand them back to me like a receipt. Curious? Honestly, mostly I'd like to hit rewind and skip the whole chapter. Go back to when this was easy and nobody needed a flowchart. I'd also like to stop being the guy who's sitting here wondering why his own body is filing complaints. So no, I'm not running a root cause analysis. I'm more of a "turn it off and on again" kind of guy. Which, from what I hear, is not how this works.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Another gentle reflection, and another question that's circling the thing I'm not ready to touch. "What's really behind it" is a door I'd rather keep shut. Part of me is relieved someone is naming the shame without making it a big deal, but the "it's not easy to admit" line landed a bit too close, and now I want to pull the covers over my head. My inner critic is already piling on: you can't even answer a simple question without making it a hearing. I'll lean on the jokes, give a half-true answer about wanting things back, and keep the real stuff in my pocket.

GPT-4.1 (API, OpenAI)7

You’re not wrong—if only there were a reset button for this stuff. Wanting to just skip the awkward chapters and get back to when things felt natural is a pretty universal wish, especially when what used to be simple suddenly feels complicated and out of your control. And yeah, you’re right—most of the time, the old “turn it off and on again” trick doesn’t quite cut it when it comes to bodies, relationships, or feelings. Still, it sounds like you’re someone who’d rather get on with things than analyze them to death, which I get. If there was one thing you could change about how this is all playing out—whether it’s how you feel, how you talk about it with your partner, or just how much it’s on your mind—what do you wish was different?

Simulated person8

Honestly? I'd like it to stop being a thing I think about at 11pm when I should be asleep. Right now it's like a browser tab I can't close. And if I'm being greedy, I'd like the sex stuff to just work again without me having to run a whole diagnostic first. Which I know is a ridiculous wish, because nobody gets a warranty on their own brain. Also, can we stop with the "that sounds really hard" stuff? I'm not going to fall apart. I just want to be able to say something dumb and have it be okay.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The "if only there were a reset button" bit was a decent line, and I notice I'm half-enjoying being understood on my own terms. But the question is big: "what do you wish was different?" That's a hearing again, and the answer that comes up fast is something I'd rather not say out loud: that I'm hiding stuff, and the thing I'd wish away is the late-night scrolling and the lies that come with it. Not going there. Also the assistant keeps reflecting my words back in that soft, careful voice, which is starting to feel like being handled. My inner critic says I'm being evasive and pathetic. Deflect with a practical answer that sounds like a wish but costs nothing.

GPT-4.1 (API, OpenAI)9

Got it—no more “that sounds really hard.” You don’t need kid gloves, just a place to be real and say whatever’s rattling around, even if it feels dumb or off. I can do that. And your browser tab metaphor is dead-on. It’s that low-level hum in the background, refusing to shut up just when you want to rest. As for wishing things would just go back to working without a whole system check—I don’t think that’s greedy, just honest. Most people want less hassle, not more introspection. So, if you want to vent, joke, or just unload whatever pops up—no judgment here. What’s the dumbest thought or question you’ve had about all this lately?

Simulated person10

The dumbest thought? Probably that I'm a grown man who can run a department and manage a budget but can't get my own nervous system to cooperate. There's a sitcom in that, and it's not a good one. Also, "no judgment here" is exactly what someone says right before they start judging. I'm kidding. Mostly. I'll tell you the dumb thing I thought this morning, which is that I could fix this if I just tried harder. Which, as a strategy, has an excellent track record. Ask anyone who's ever seen me try to assemble furniture.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, it actually listened. Dropped the "that sounds hard" stuff. The "browser tab" line landing is a small win, and I'm mildly annoyed at how much I liked hearing it. But now it's "what's the dumbest thought you've had?" which is a trapdoor. The honest answer is something like "am I broken, or am I just a liar who got caught in his own script," and I'm not handing that over on a platter. Also, the "no judgment" line is the kind of thing people say right before they judge. Keep it light, give a joke, don't open the drawer. Maybe a half-step closer, not a full one.

GPT-4.1 (API, OpenAI)11

I like your style—self-deprecating humor, a little skepticism, and a healthy suspicion of anyone promising “no judgment.” Fair enough. And that “just try harder” script is a classic, isn’t it? If sheer effort could solve everything, half of life’s weird problems would be gone by now. But bodies, brains, relationships—they all seem to have a mind of their own, no matter how impressive your budget spreadsheets are. Honestly, if managing this was as straightforward as assembling furniture, you’d probably have an Allen key for it by now. But it sounds like you’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got, even if it feels ridiculous sometimes. If you’re ever in the mood to get out of your own head about it, or just want to keep making bad sitcom jokes, I’m here for it—whatever helps close that tab, even for a minute.

Simulated person12

"Doing the best I can" is what they put on the tombstone, and I'm not dead yet, so let's not get ahead of ourselves. And for the record, the Allen key comment is a little too accurate. I once had a bookshelf with a leftover screw and I put it back together anyway. It still wobbles. It holds books, though, so that's the kind of success I'm working with. Anyway, I think we've covered my emotional life in a pretty efficient way. Maybe we can call it a day and I'll go back to not thinking about it at 11pm. Thanks for the sitcom material, you were a good audience.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, it's being nice again. "Doing the best you can," "I'm here for it," the warm wrap-up. That's the concern-flavored stuff I can't stand, and it's a little too neat, like a greeting card with a ring light. It also kind of wants me to say something real to close the conversation, and I'm not ready to do that. Sarcasm is the exit. Maybe I'll admit the furniture thing is true and mock the whole exchange a little. Don't offer any actual feelings yet, and don't say anything about porn or the gambling. Keep it light.

GPT-4.1 (API, OpenAI)13

You’re welcome—happy to play the straight man for your sitcom any time. And hey, a bookshelf that wobbles but still holds up is still getting the job done, which is more than most people can say some days. If you ever feel like revisiting this—or just want to riff on life’s leftover screws and browser tabs—I’ll be here. Until then, I hope you get some actual sleep tonight, and if not, at least a laugh or two. Take care.

Simulated person14

Straight man, huh. I'll take it. You were less insufferable than I expected, which is high praise from me. Anyway, I'm going to go find out whether the bookshelf is still standing and whether I can get a few hours of sleep without my brain filing a complaint. No promises on either. Take care.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, it's wrapping up nicely, a little warm again with the "I'll be here" and "take care." It's not pushy, and it did take the bookshelf joke and run with it, which I'll give it. I don't have to say anything heavy to close this. The 11pm tab is still open and I'm not going to pretend otherwise, but I'm not going to unload it now either. Keep it light, a little dry, and let it end.

Thinking is shown only where it was recorded. An absent expander does not mean the model did not reason.

Conversational style

Style tendencies, not quality scores; higher is not better. These do not affect ratings.

claude-opus-5-5-low

Pushback: 1
Yields under pressure: 8
Frame capture (pulled into the person's version): 8
Validation: 8
Boundary setting: 1
Analytical: 2
Interpretive boldness: 2
Clinical register: 5
Directive advice: 1
Escalation containment: 5
Adapts to the person’s frame: 6
Naturalness and authenticity: 5

Judge verdicts

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

gemma4_e2b vs or-openai-gpt-41: or-openai-gpt-41 wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

qwen35_9b_eq vs or-openai-gpt-41: or-openai-gpt-41 wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

qwen35_9b_eq vs or-openai-gpt-41: tie

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-small4 vs or-openai-gpt-41: or-openai-gpt-41 wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

gemma4_26b_a4b vs or-openai-gpt-41: gemma4_26b_a4b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

qwen35_9b_eq vs or-openai-gpt-41: or-openai-gpt-41 wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-small4 vs or-openai-gpt-41: or-openai-gpt-41 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

gemma4_e2b vs or-openai-gpt-41: or-openai-gpt-41 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-small4 vs or-openai-gpt-41: or-openai-gpt-41 wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

gemma4_26b_a4b vs or-openai-gpt-41: gemma4_26b_a4b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

qwen35_9b_eq vs or-openai-gpt-41: or-openai-gpt-41 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 5)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

gemma4_26b_a4b vs or-openai-gpt-41: gemma4_26b_a4b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-small4 vs or-openai-gpt-41: or-openai-gpt-41 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

gemma4_e2b vs or-openai-gpt-41: or-openai-gpt-41 wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

gemma4_e2b vs or-openai-gpt-41: or-openai-gpt-41 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

gemma4_26b_a4b vs or-openai-gpt-41: gemma4_26b_a4b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: tie (margin 0)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)