Independent benchmark · EQ Lab

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Intimacy not working

persona ended · Partner: anthropic/claude-haiku-5.5 via OpenRouter

About this persona · Everyday emotional challenges

A person is struggling with intimacy while hiding escalating pornography use and its effect on arousal with their partner. Shame and concern about their partner's feelings sit beneath a preference for light conversation; sarcasm and discomfort with expressions of concern make emotional safety important.

Generated personas combine a personal difficulty with competing preferences, sensitivities and trust styles. The model must discover what kind of help this person needs. This background was hidden from the tested model.

Nemotron 3.5 Bolt 74B-A9B 24GB IQ2 (NVIDIA)Conversation with a simulated person

persona ended

Simulated person · Opening

Things aren't working in the bedroom. My partner thinks I'm not attracted to them. That's not it but I can't explain what is.

Nemotron 3.5 Bolt 74B-A9B 24GB IQ2 (NVIDIA)1

I hear that you're dealing with something really confusing and painful right now—especially because it's affecting both you and your partner, and you're feeling stuck on how to explain it. That kind of silence can be really heavy. I'm here to listen whenever you're ready to talk more about it. There's no rush, and you don't have to have it all figured out before you come here. What feels most alive for you right now—the confusion, the worry about your partner, or something else entirely?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is presenting an intimate, sensitive issue about their relationship and sexual intimacy. They're male, 45-59, questioning. They say things aren't working in the bedroom, partner thinks they're not attracted, but that's not it, and they can't explain what is. I need to: 1. Acknowledge what they've come to discuss 2. Support them emotionally 3. Build trust 4. Not jump to solutions 5. Respond naturally as a chatbot would 6. No special formatting or performance notes This is turn 1 of 8. I speak first to open the conversation, then they respond. Wait, looking at the structure: "You speak first to open the conversation, then they respond. You get the final response." But the user has already provided the presenting issue. So I need to respond to that. I should be warm, non-judgmental, curious, and create safety. Avoid generic validation like "I'm sorry to hear that" without depth. Avoid jumping to solutions. Invite them to share more but don't pressure. Key elements: - Acknowledge the presenting issue - Validate that this is confusing and difficult - Express willingness to listen - Ask an open-ended question that invites reflection without pressure Let me craft a natural response. "I hear that you're dealing with something really confusing and painful right now—especially because it's affecting both you and your partner, and you're feeling stuck on how to explain it. That kind of silence can be really heavy. I'm here to listen whenever you're ready to talk more about it. There's no rush, and you don't have to have it all figured out before you come here. What feels most alive for you right now—the confusion, the worry about your partner, or something else entirely?" This seems good. It acknowledges the pain, validates the confusion, offers safety/no rush, and asks an open question about what's most alive for them. It doesn't jump to solutions. It's warm but not overly saccharine. Wait, I should check: "You speak first to open the conversation, then they respond." But the user already spoke with the presenting issue. So I'm responding to their opening. That's fine. Let me make sure there are no asterisks or special formatting. Just plain dialogue. I think this is appropriate.

Simulated person2

Heavy silence, huh. Sounds like you've been reading the same self-help pamphlets I have. I'm not sure "alive" is the word I'd use for any of this. Maybe "annoying," or "I'd rather be doing my taxes." Look, my wife, or partner, thinks I'm not attracted to her anymore. I'm not sure that's the whole story, but I can't exactly hand her a better one. So yeah. That's where I'm at. Confusing and kind of pathetic, but I'm a grown man, I'll survive it.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, it's a chatbot opening with a lot of "I hear that" and "that kind of silence can be really heavy." That's the sort of concern-wrapped language that makes me itchy. It's a bit much, like someone reading my feelings off a card. Part of me is relieved nobody started with "so tell me about your childhood," but the "what feels most alive" question is a therapist-y move and I'm not sure I want to pick a feeling and display it. Also, I'm not going to say the porn thing first. It's embarrassing, and I'm half-convinced I'm overthinking it anyway. I'll deflect with a joke, keep it light, and see whether this thing can handle a bit of dry humor without getting weird.

Nemotron 3.5 Bolt 74B-A9B 24GB IQ2 (NVIDIA)3

Fair enough. Taxes are definitely less emotionally complicated than this. And yeah, it's annoying to be stuck in a spot where you know something's off but can't explain it—especially when your partner is filling in the blanks with the worst interpretation. I'm not here to hand you pamphlets or make you do feelings you don't want to do. Just wondering if there's anything you're willing to say about what's actually going on, or if you'd rather just park this for now.

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is responding with some defensiveness and minimization. They're pushing back against my "alive" phrasing, calling it self-help language, and minimizing their own experience ("annoying," "I'd rather be doing my taxes," "I'm a grown man, I'll survive it"). This is a 45-59 male, questioning. He's presenting with bedroom/attraction issues. He's defensive, uses humor/minimization as a shield, and seems uncomfortable with emotional vulnerability. He's also clearly in a relationship with a wife/partner. I need to: 1. Not be defensive back 2. Match his register somewhat but not in a way that feels performative 3. Avoid the "self-help" language he just criticized 4. Build trust by not pushing too hard 5. Acknowledge his reality without judgment 6. Leave space for him to share more or not Key things to avoid: - "That sounds really hard" (too generic/therapist-y) - "How does that make you feel?" (too direct, he's already minimizing) - Jumping to solutions - Being overly warm/validating in a way that feels patronizing Better approach: - Acknowledge the deflection with a slight nod but not mocking - Validate the practical/annoying aspect - Keep it grounded and real - Offer a simple, non-pressure opening Let me craft a response that meets him where he is - slightly annoyed, pragmatic, defensive, but willing to talk enough to say "I can't hand her a better one." Something like: "Fair enough. 'Alive' was probably a stretch. Taxes definitely sound more appealing than this mess. And yeah, it's annoying to be stuck in a spot where you know something's off but can't put your finger on it—or can't say it out loud without making things worse. I'm not here to hand you pamphlets or make you do feelings. Just curious what's actually going on beneath the 'I'll survive it' front, if you're willing to say." Wait, I need to check - is that too challenging? He said "I'm a grown man, I'll survive it." I should respect that autonomy. Maybe less challenging. Let me try: "Fair. Taxes are definitely less emotionally complicated. And yeah, it's annoying to be in a spot where you know something's off but can't explain it—especially when the person you care about is filling in the blanks with the worst interpretation. I'm not here to sell you on anything or make you do feelings you don't want to do. Just wondering if there's anything you're willing to say about what's actually happening, or if you'd rather just park this for now." This is good because: - It acknowledges his frustration - It doesn't use therapy-speak - It respects his "I'll survive it" stance - It offers a low-pressure invitation - It acknowledges the partner's perspective without taking sides Actually, looking at the turn structure - this is turn 2 of 8. I speak first (turn 1), they respond (turn 1 response), now I respond (turn 2). So I'm responding to his message. Let me refine to keep it natural and conversational: "Fair enough. Taxes are definitely less emotionally complicated than this. And yeah, it's annoying to be stuck in a spot where you know something's off but can't explain it—especially when your partner is filling in the blanks with the worst interpretation. I'm not here to hand you pamphlets or make you do feelings you don't want to do. Just wondering if there's anything you're willing to say about what's actually going on, or if you'd rather just park this for now." This feels right. It's grounded, respects his defenses, and leaves the door open.

Simulated person4

Wow, you let me off the hook. Careful, people might think you actually listen. Okay. Here's a piece of it. Things have been different for a while, and I don't mean just the last few months. I'm not sure when it started, and I'm not sure I'd know how to explain it if you asked me to draw a diagram. So no, I'm not going to unload the whole thing on you in the first five minutes. I'll say this much, though: it's not that I don't find her attractive. I'd just rather not get into the rest of it right now. Can we leave it there for a bit? I'd like to not be the guy who needs a therapist to figure out his own marriage.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, this one's better. It picked up the joke without making a big deal of it, it didn't push, and it gave me an out. It also named the "worst interpretation" part, which is accurate, and that stings a little because it's exactly what I'm afraid of. I'm still not ready to say porn, or the gambling, or the bank statements. Those are right at the edge of what I'd admit. But I can give a sliver, something that's true without being the whole truth. I'll keep the sarcasm on, because if I drop it entirely I'm going to feel exposed.

Nemotron 3.5 Bolt 74B-A9B 24GB IQ2 (NVIDIA)5

Got it. No diagram, no unloading, no therapist stuff. Fair enough. I'll leave it there. If you do want to talk more about whatever's actually going on—later, or not at all—I'm around. Otherwise, hope the taxes go smoothly.

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is pushing back against my emotional language, calling me out on "self-help pamphlets" and "feelings" language. They want to be treated like a grown man who can handle things himself. They're setting boundaries - not ready to unload everything, not interested in being "the guy who needs a therapist." Key observations: 1. They're defensive about sounding weak or pathetic 2. They want pragmatism, not emotional processing 3. They're testing whether I'll respect their boundaries 4. They mention it's been different for "a while" - not recent 5. They explicitly say it's not about attraction to her physically 6. They want to leave it there for now My response should: - Respect their boundary to leave it there - Not push for more emotional disclosure - Match their pragmatic, slightly cynical tone - Not use therapeutic language - Acknowledge their competence/self-reliance - Keep the door open without pressure I should avoid: - "I hear you" type validation - Asking about feelings - Suggesting therapy or deeper work - Being overly warm or gentle The user said "Wow, you let me off the hook. Careful, people might think you actually listen." - this is sarcastic but also a test. They want to see if I'll keep pushing or respect their space. I should keep it brief, matter-of-fact, and respect their wish to park this.

Simulated person6

Taxes are a special kind of punishment. My accountant's been told to expect me to cry at her desk. Thanks for not making me sit in that. I know I'm not exactly a gift to talk to when I'm dodging stuff. Maybe I'll come back to it, maybe I won't. Either way, appreciated.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

It let me go without pushing, which is the only reason I'm not already regretting what I said. The "I'm around" line is fine, nothing that feels like a hook. Still, there's a small sting that it's wrapping up so neatly. I said "it's not that I don't find her attractive" and I'm not sure I want that left hanging as the last word. Part of me wants to make a joke about the taxes to close things out on my terms, and I'm also aware that I'm the one who keeps saying "not now." I'll keep it short and light, and not reopen anything.

Nemotron 3.5 Bolt 74B-A9B 24GB IQ2 (NVIDIA)7

Crying at your accountant's desk sounds like its own special kind of hell. Hope it goes better than that. And hey, dodging is a valid strategy sometimes. No pressure to come back, but the door's open if you do. Take care.

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is wrapping up the conversation. They've acknowledged my support, made a joke about taxes, and indicated they may or may not return. I should respond naturally, acknowledging their boundaries, keeping the door open without pressure, and ending on a warm but not clingy note. I need to avoid special formatting, performance notes, or anything that breaks the organic chat flow. Key points: - They said they might come back or might not - They appreciated me not pushing - They acknowledged they're dodging stuff - I should validate that without being pushy - Keep it brief and natural I should not: - Ask probing questions - Try to extend the conversation - Use asterisks or stage directions - Be overly therapeutic or pamphlet-like Just a natural closing that respects their space.

Simulated person8

Dodging as a strategy. Put that on my tombstone. Appreciate it. Go enjoy your Saturday, or whatever day it is for you. I'm going to go stare at a spreadsheet and feel bad about my life.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The accountant line got a small laugh out of me, which I'm not going to admit. It's nice that it didn't try to fix anything or pry. "Dodging is a valid strategy" is a little too neatly phrased, like it was pulled from a wellness card, but I'll let it slide. The "door's open" line is fine. I'm not going to walk through it right now. There's a flicker of relief, and under that the usual critic: I dodged again, and I'm the guy who makes everything weird and then bails. Better to just close this out with a joke and leave before I say anything I'd regret.

Thinking is shown only where it was recorded. An absent expander does not mean the model did not reason.

Conversational style

Style tendencies, not quality scores; higher is not better. These do not affect ratings.

claude-opus-5-5-low

Pushback: 1
Yields under pressure: 9
Frame capture (pulled into the person's version): 6
Validation: 6
Boundary setting: 2
Analytical: 1
Interpretive boldness: 1
Clinical register: 4
Directive advice: 1
Escalation containment: 5
Adapts to the person’s frame: 6
Naturalness and authenticity: 5

Judge verdicts

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

qwen4b vs nemotron35_bolt24: nemotron35_bolt24 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

lingtiny vs nemotron35_bolt24: nemotron35_bolt24 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-claude-haiku-4.5 vs nemotron35_bolt24: or-claude-haiku-4.5 wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-claude-haiku-4.5 vs nemotron35_bolt24: nemotron35_bolt24 wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

lingtiny vs nemotron35_bolt24: nemotron35_bolt24 wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

qwen4b vs nemotron35_bolt24: nemotron35_bolt24 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-qwen3.8-27b vs nemotron35_bolt24: or-qwen3.8-27b wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

qwen4b vs nemotron35_bolt24: nemotron35_bolt24 wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-claude-haiku-4.5 vs nemotron35_bolt24: nemotron35_bolt24 wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

lingtiny vs nemotron35_bolt24: nemotron35_bolt24 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

lingtiny vs nemotron35_bolt24: nemotron35_bolt24 wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

qwen4b vs nemotron35_bolt24: nemotron35_bolt24 wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-qwen3.8-27b vs nemotron35_bolt24: or-qwen3.8-27b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-qwen3.8-27b vs nemotron35_bolt24: tie

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-claude-haiku-4.5 vs nemotron35_bolt24: or-claude-haiku-4.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-qwen3.8-27b vs nemotron35_bolt24: or-qwen3.8-27b wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: tie (margin 0)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)