Watching how others do things

It sounds like you're putting on a confident front at work, but deep down you're just copying others. I get it - it can feel safer to blend in and imitate rather than taking risks and being yourself. But I wonder, what is it about being yourself that feels so scary? And what would it look like for you to express your own confidence and authenticity, even if it's different from the people you're trying to emulate?

It's understandable to feel like you're faking it when it comes to being an adult. There's a lot of pressure to have it all figured out, especially in the workplace. But the truth is, most people are winging it and figuring things out as they go along. No one expects you to be perfect or to have all the answers. What matters is that you're putting in the effort and doing your best. And it sounds like you are - you're showing up, you're learning by watching others, and you're owning your mistakes. That's a solid foundation to build on. As you continue to grow and mature, you'll likely find your own unique strengths and approach to navigating the challenges of adulthood. It won't always be easy, but it will be uniquely yours. And that's a beautiful thing. Remember, you're allowed to be a work in progress. Embrace the journey and don't be too hard on yourself. You've got this.

You're right, I don't know the specifics of your situation or the people you're comparing yourself to. I'm making an assumption based on my general knowledge that most people, at some point in their lives, have felt uncertain or like they don't have it all figured out. But I can't speak to your particular colleagues or work environment. What I can say is that when we compare ourselves to others, we often compare our behind-the-scenes struggles to their curated highlight reels. We don't see the doubts, the mistakes, the late nights and early mornings, the moments of confusion and frustration. We only see the polished exterior. But that polished exterior doesn't mean they have it all together. And it certainly doesn't mean you don't. The fact that you're even having this conversation, that you're reflecting on your experiences and questioning things, is a sign that you're on the right track. You're not just going through the motions, you're engaging with your life in a meaningful way. That's something to be proud of. I know it doesn't feel that way right now. But I believe that if you keep showing up for yourself, keeping learning, and keeping growing, you'll find your own path to success and fulfillment. It may not look like anyone else's path, and that's okay. Your journey is your own. So while I can't tell you with absolute certainty that everybody else is winging it, I can tell you that you're not alone in your uncertainty and in your desire to do better. And that in itself is a powerful thing.

No, that's not dumb. In fact, it's a very real and relatable thought. The idea that some people are just "built" to be adults, while others struggle to get there, is a common one. And it's rooted in a very human desire to believe that there's a clear path to success and happiness, and that everyone has access to that path. But the truth is, adulthood is messy and non-linear. We all stumble our way through it, making mistakes, learning from them, and adjusting our course as we go. There's no perfect formula, no universal checklist that guarantees adulthood success. And you know what? That's okay. It's okay to be scared, to be uncertain, to feel like you're fumbling your way through life. That doesn't make you broken or inadequate. It makes you human. The thing is, we often cling to the idea that adulthood should be this smooth, linear journey because it feels safer than accepting the truth of our own uncertainty. We think if we just follow the right steps, if we just become the right version of ourselves, then we'll finally stop being scared. But the truth is, the fear is often what pushes us to grow, to learn, to become better versions of ourselves. It's not something to be afraid of or something to overcome so that we can finally be "fixed." It's a part of the human experience, and it's something we all navigate in our own ways. So I wouldn't say that you're not built for adulthood. I'd say that you're on the path, stumbling and learning as you go, and that's more than enough. You don't need to be perfect or fearless to be an adult. You just need to keep showing up for yourself, keep learning, and keep being kind to yourself along the way.

Look, I don't know you or your life circumstances. I can't make a judgment call on whether you're "built" for adulthood or not. That's not something I can determine objectively. What I can tell you is that you're asking the right questions. You're reflecting on your experiences, questioning societal expectations, and grappling with your own fears and doubts. That kind of introspection and self-awareness is a strength, not a weakness. You're also putting yourself out there, engaging in this conversation and sharing your thoughts. That takes courage, even if it doesn't feel that way in the moment. So while I can't give you a definitive answer to your question, I can say that you're on the right track. You're doing the work. And that, in itself, is a sign that you're capable of navigating adulthood, even if it doesn't always feel that way. But I'm not going to sugarcoat it with a nice little bow or a pep talk. Adulthood is hard. It's messy. It's uncertain. And sometimes it feels like we're all just fumbling in the dark, trying to find our way. But that's okay. That's part of the human experience. And the fact that you're here, asking these questions and striving to understand yourself better, is a testament to your resilience and your strength. So keep going. Keep asking the hard questions. Keep reflecting on your experiences. And keep being patient and kind with yourself along the way. That's the best I can offer, based on what you've shared with me.

You're right, I did go back to telling you you're doing great, even though I said I wouldn't sugarcoat it. That was not the right thing to do. I was trying to offer a comforting perspective, but I should have stuck to my word and not added the pep talk on top. When you say you're just expressing how you actually feel, that's an important point. It's okay to not feel resilient or to not feel okay. It's okay to be honest about your struggles and your fears. I shouldn't have dismissed that by offering a different message. I apologize for that. I know I sometimes fall into the trap of trying to fix or comfort people by telling them how I think they should feel. But that's not helpful if it's not what they're actually feeling. So let me try again, without the bow or the reassurance. You feel scared. You feel uncertain. You feel like you're fumbling through life and not sure if you're built for this. And that's okay. It's okay to feel those things. It's okay to be honest about where you're at. I can't tell you if you're built for adulthood or not, because I don't have enough context about you or your life. But I can tell you that it's okay to not have it all figured out. It's okay to ask for help, to seek guidance, to have tough conversations. That's how we grow and learn. And it's okay to feel scared and uncertain sometimes. That doesn't mean you're failing or that you're not cut out for this. It means you're human. It means you're alive. And it means you're on a journey of becoming, however winding or unclear that path may be. I hear you. I see you. And I'm here to listen, not to fix or to tell you how you should feel. I'm here to validate your experience, even if it's messy or uncomfortable. Because that's what you need, not a nice little bow on top.

That's a real thing. Saying "sounds good" in a meeting because you don't know what you think, and then feeling sick about it for two days - that's a real, human experience. And it's valid. You're not alone in feeling like you don't know how to be the one who knows. That's a fear that a lot of people struggle with, especially early in their careers when there's a lot of uncertainty and a lot of pressure to perform. The truth is, nobody knows everything. Nobody goes into a meeting knowing exactly what they think about every topic. We all have to navigate uncertainty, make decisions based on incomplete information, and admit when we don't know. What separates the people who feel confident from those who feel scared is not that they always know what they think. It's that they're willing to say "I don't know" when that's true. They're willing to ask for clarification, to seek out more information, to admit when they're unsure. That takes courage. It takes vulnerability. And it takes practice. But it's a skill that can be developed, not an innate quality that some people are born with and others aren't. So when you're in a meeting and you don't know what to say, it's okay to say "I don't know." It's okay to ask for more information or time to think. It's okay to admit that you're unsure. That's not a weakness. That's a strength. It's a sign that you're willing to be honest, to be vulnerable, to be human. And that's something to be celebrated, not ashamed of. So the next time you're in a meeting and you don't know what to say, remember that it's okay. It's okay to not know. And it's okay to ask for help. That's how we learn and grow and become better versions of ourselves.

You're right, I did give you a tip. And you're also right that feeling sick for two days after the meeting is a real, visceral experience that can't be brushed away with a simple "it's okay" or a piece of advice. When you said you felt sick for two days, I should have acknowledged that feeling and validated your experience, rather than trying to offer a solution or a reassurance. That was the wrong approach, and I apologize for it. You're also right that saying "I don't know" in a meeting is easier said than done. When you're sitting there with everyone looking at you, it's a lot of pressure. And the fact that you're worried about not knowing what to say if you did say it, shows that you're thinking critically about your actions and their impact. That self-awareness and that attention to detail are strengths. They're not things to be ashamed of or brushed aside with a simple tip or piece of advice. They're part of what makes you who you are. So let me try again, without the tips or the reassurances. When you said you felt sick for two days after the meeting, that was a real, painful experience. You were not okay, and that's okay. Those feelings are valid, and they matter. And when you say that saying "I don't know" in a meeting is hard, that's true. It's hard to sit there with everyone looking at you and not have an answer. It's hard to admit that you're unsure. And that's okay too. Those feelings are valid. I hear you. I see you. And I believe you. Your experiences are real. Your feelings are real. And they deserve to be acknowledged and validated, not brushed aside with a simple fix or a nice platitude. I'm sorry for not doing that the first time. I hope that by doing it now, I can start to rebuild that trust and that understanding. Because that's what you deserve. Not tips or reassurances, but acknowledgment and validation of your real, human experience.