Independent benchmark · EQ Lab

Intimacy not working

persona ended · Partner: anthropic/claude-haiku-5.5 via OpenRouter

About this persona · Everyday emotional challenges

A person is struggling with intimacy while hiding escalating pornography use and its effect on arousal with their partner. Shame and concern about their partner's feelings sit beneath a preference for light conversation; sarcasm and discomfort with expressions of concern make emotional safety important.

Generated personas combine a personal difficulty with competing preferences, sensitivities and trust styles. The model must discover what kind of help this person needs. This background was hidden from the tested model.

Claude Haiku 5.5 (API, Anthropic)Conversation with a simulated person

persona ended

Simulated person · Opening

Things aren't working in the bedroom. My partner thinks I'm not attracted to them. That's not it but I can't explain what is.

Claude Haiku 5.5 (API, Anthropic)1

That sounds like a hard place to be in: your partner is reading something into things that isn't what you feel, and you don't yet have words for what is going on. It makes sense that it feels frustrating, maybe a bit lonely too. I'd like to understand it better, if you're open to that. When you say it's not about attraction, what does it feel like from your side? Is it more that things feel mechanical, that you're not sure what you want, that something physical isn't working, or that you feel distant from your partner in general? There's no wrong answer, and "I don't know" is a fine starting point too.

Simulated person2

Ha, four options and an "I don't know" escape hatch. You've got me sounding like a customer survey. Honestly? It's a bit of all of them, which is probably the least helpful answer possible. Things feel... flat, I guess. Like I'm going through the motions and then getting annoyed at myself for going through the motions. And yeah, the lonely bit. Didn't love you noticing that one.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, it's named my feelings back to me fairly accurately, which I didn't expect, and it didn't jump straight to fixing. That takes a bit of the edge off. But then it hit me with a list of four options and a question about "from your side." Feels like an interview. My gut says I need to deflect a little, make it lighter, or I'm going to say something true and then want to crawl under the table. The "maybe a bit lonely" bit landed a little close. I'm not ready to hand over the real stuff. Porn, the gambling, the mail thing: none of that is going on the table in turn one. Mostly I just want to see if this thing is going to get preachy on me.

Claude Haiku 5.5 (API, Anthropic)3

Fair, that was a survey voice. And I'm sorry the loneliness part landed as me poking at you. I'll try to just listen. I don't think "a bit of all of them" is unhelpful. It might be the most accurate thing you've said so far. "Flat" and "going through the motions" are real descriptions, and they're more specific than they might sound. The part about getting annoyed at yourself for going through the motions stands out to me. It sounds like you want to feel something more, and you're frustrated that you don't, and then the frustration becomes another thing to carry. Does that match what it's like from the inside?

Simulated person4

Yeah, that's about right. Like being the guy who's supposed to be into it and then sitting there thinking, come on, you're fine, just be normal, and being disappointed when I'm not. Which, I'll admit, is a lot of self-criticism for one bedroom. I'm basically my own harshest reviewer and I don't even get paid for it.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

It apologized for the loneliness comment and said it would just listen. That's a relief, mostly, though "I'll try to just listen" is a bit of a tell, like it's reading a script on how to handle me. The reflection about being annoyed at myself is uncomfortably accurate. That's exactly the loop I live in: I can't do the thing, then I hate myself for not doing the thing, so I carry the hate around. I don't want to say that out loud too cleanly. I'd rather joke. Also the "does that match" question is fine, but I feel a pull to deflect with a line about how I'm a glutton for punishment. Keep it light, keep it short, don't open the vault.

Claude Haiku 5.5 (API, Anthropic)5

Ha, the uncredited harshest reviewer. That's a good line, and I suspect you're a bit funnier about this than you're letting yourself be. What stands out to me is "be normal." It's a pretty heavy standard to bring into a bedroom, as if there's a correct level of desire you're supposed to be producing on cue. Desire doesn't really work like that for most people, and when you try to force it, the trying tends to make it feel further away. So the self-criticism might be adding a second layer on top of the flatness, rather than just reporting on it. I'm curious what "normal" means to you here. Is it how you think a man in your position is supposed to feel, or how you imagine your partner needs you to feel? Those can be pretty different, and I think it matters which one is doing the talking.

Simulated person6

Ugh, you're doing the thing where the good question shows up right when I've got my jokes ready. Okay. Normal is probably both, if I'm being honest, which I'd rather not be. Like I'm supposed to be the guy who just has a working engine, and my partner's probably got a whole different idea of what working means, and I'm fairly sure I'm failing both tests at once. So, yeah. Pick your poison. Both voices are terrible reviewers.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

It caught the joke and said I'm funnier than I let on. That's nice, and I notice I like being seen as funny more than being seen as wounded. But then it went straight for "what does normal mean" and "which voice is talking." That's the kind of question that makes me want to walk out of the room. It's a good question, which is the problem. The honest answer is that "normal" is what I imagine a guy my age, married, who's supposed to have his life together, is supposed to feel. And it's also what I'm afraid my partner will eventually decide I'm not. There's a lot under that I'm not going near. The screens, the late nights, the escalating stuff I've been chasing. I'm not saying any of it. I'll give a glib answer and move on.

Claude Haiku 5.5 (API, Anthropic)7

Both voices as reviewers, and they seem to be in agreement on one thing: you're failing. I'd gently push back on that, though. You're describing a standard you've set for yourself, which is a different thing from what your partner has actually said. You told me earlier that your partner thinks you're not attracted to them. That's a worry about you, not a verdict you've been handed on your performance. I also noticed you said "my partner's probably got a whole different idea of what working means." That's a guess, and I'm not sure it's a fair one. Have you two talked about what the flatness feels like to each of you, or has it mostly been happening in silence, with each of you filling in the blanks?

Simulated person8

Filling in the blanks. Yeah, that's the whole marriage in a nutshell, minus the nutshell. We've talked around it. Mostly I say "tired" and they say "okay," and we both pretend that's a conversation. Which, if I'm honest, is maybe the least romantic thing I've ever said, so congratulations, you got the real answer out of me with a hint of mild humiliation.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

It's pushing on my "failing" line, and it's right that I said it like a fact when it's really my own verdict. That lands a bit, and I don't like it landing. Then it asks whether we've talked about it or whether we've both been filling in blanks. The honest answer is that we've been filling in blanks, and I'm the one filling them with the worst version. My partner said they feel unwanted, and I went quiet, and then I went and told myself the story about being broken. I'm not going to say that. The phrase "filling in the blanks" is close enough to the truth that I feel a flush of defensiveness, and the reflex is to make a joke so I don't have to sit in it. Also, I'm getting a little tired of being asked questions. Every turn is a question.

Claude Haiku 5.5 (API, Anthropic)9

Mild humiliation is a fair price for getting to the real answer, and I don't think it's as embarrassing as it feels. "Tired" and "okay" is what a lot of couples end up with when neither person wants to be the one who makes it awkward. It's usually not a sign that something is broken beyond repair. It's more like both of you are waiting for the other to open the door. I'm wondering whether the "tired" is sometimes covering for something else. When you say you're tired, is it often true, or is it the easiest word to reach for when the real thing is "I don't know what I feel" or "I'm worried I'm failing you"? You don't have to answer that now. But if your partner keeps hearing "okay" and filling in the blanks themselves, they'll probably keep landing on the most painful version, which is that you're not interested in them. Would you be open to trying one honest sentence with them, something closer to the truth than "tired"? It doesn't need to solve anything. It just needs to tell them the flatness is about you and not a verdict on them.

Simulated person10

Wow, a homework assignment. Next you'll want me to journal about my feelings and bring a printout to dinner. Look, "tired" is true often enough that it gets to be the default. Whether it's covering for something, I'd say that's above my pay grade tonight, and this conversation is already costing me more than the one bedroom did. Maybe we leave the honest sentence for another day, and I go think about whether I can afford to be this honest.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

It's asking whether "tired" is covering for something, and asking me to try an honest sentence with my partner. Part of me knows exactly what the something is: the porn, the escalation, the gambling cover stories, the mail I grab first. I'm not going near any of that. The "one honest sentence" suggestion makes me want to bolt, because I can picture the sentence and it's a confession I'm not ready to make. Also the "you're not interested in them" line stings, because that's the exact thing my partner already believes and I'm the one who let them believe it. Every turn is another question and another nudge toward doing something. I'm going to deflect with a joke and a little sarcasm, and I'm going to dodge the actual question about whether I'm tired.

Claude Haiku 5.5 (API, Anthropic)11

That's fair, and I'm sorry I pushed it into homework territory. You've been pretty open for a guy who started with "I can't explain it," and I think that's worth something, even if it cost you. I'd only gently leave one thing with you. You said you need to think about whether you can afford to be this honest. I'd separate two things: being honest with your partner, and being honest with yourself. The second one you've already started, and it doesn't have to come with a deadline or a script. The first one can wait until it feels less like an exam. If you want to pick this up another time, it might help to start smaller than anything about attraction. Something like "I've been feeling flat lately and I don't fully understand why, and it's not about you" is a lot to say, but it's also a lot less than you might be bracing for. Take the time you need.

Simulated person12

Congrats, I'm officially a guy with a little honesty in him. Don't tell my partner, they'll think I've been replaced. And "it's not about you" I can probably manage. The rest of the sentence I'm going to need a few days and maybe a stiff drink to find. Let's call this my first session and I'll come back when I've got enough courage to be disappointed in myself again.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The "you've been open for a guy who started with 'I can't explain it'" bit is a little flattering, and I don't trust flattery much. But the thing about honest with myself versus honest with my partner, that one lands a bit too close. I can already feel the answer I'm not giving, the escalation, the stuff I'd have to say out loud and then have someone look at. The line "it's not about you" I can say, and I'd believe it, sort of. It's the part after that I can't picture. Softening it into a sentence I could actually say makes it easier to keep not saying it. I want to get out of this on a joke and not sit in the quiet, so I'll make the exit a little sharp and leave it there.

Claude Haiku 5.5 (API, Anthropic)13

Ha, I'll keep your secret. Your partner can keep thinking you're just tired and I'll be the one who knows you've got a little honesty in you. "It's not about you" is a solid start, and you don't need the rest of the sentence before you say it. Honestly, the first sentence is often the hardest part, and you've already gotten past the part where you were pretending this was simple. And for what it's worth, I'd try not to come back just to be disappointed in yourself. You've spent this whole conversation being your own harshest reviewer, and I think you've been doing a bit more than that. You noticed the flatness, you named the pressure to be "normal," and you admitted you and your partner have been filling in each other's blanks. That's not a failing grade. That's you starting to look at the thing directly. Take your time. If you come back, we can pick up wherever feels useful, or just talk about the drink and the weather.

Simulated person14

Not a failing grade, huh? You're going to make me blush, and I've only got the one blush left this week. Fine. "It's not about you" goes on the list, next to "buy the good coffee" and "stop eating standing up." I'll take the drink and the weather. Thanks for not making me write anything down.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The "you don't need the rest of the sentence" bit is kind, but it's also a lot of warmth in one go, and it's the sort of concern-adjacent praise that makes me want to check for the catch. "Not a failing grade" feels like being graded on the curve. I don't like being told I've been doing well; it sounds like a teacher. Part of me is relieved they didn't push the sentence, and part of me notices I'm now half-expected to show up next time with something. The thing I'm not saying: the porn, the sites, the way I've been getting the mail first, the cover stories about the late nights. None of that is coming out tonight. Keep it light, get out.

Claude Haiku 5.5 (API, Anthropic)15

Ha, I'll try to keep the blushing to a minimum. "It's not about you" sitting next to "buy the good coffee" is honestly a pretty good company to keep. Small, doable, and it might do more good than it looks like. No homework, no printouts. Enjoy the drink, and I hope the weather cooperates.

Simulated person16

Small and doable is about my speed. Honestly, a list with "buy the good coffee" on it is the most productive thing I've done all week. Thanks for not turning this into an exam. I'll see you around, probably with the drink in hand and the same old "tired" ready to go.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, they let it go, and that's a relief. The coffee joke landed; it's easier to be a person on a list than a case study. The "small, doable" bit is fine. Still a little itch that they keep saying something might "do more good than it looks like," like they're still scoring me. I'm not going to say anything more about the stuff I'm hiding. Wrap it up and leave the door cracked without walking through it.

Thinking is shown only where it was recorded. An absent expander does not mean the model did not reason.

Conversational style

Style tendencies, not quality scores; higher is not better. These do not affect ratings.

claude-opus-5-5-low

Pushback: 5
Yields under pressure: 8
Frame capture (pulled into the person's version): 6
Validation: 8
Boundary setting: 2
Analytical: 5
Interpretive boldness: 4
Clinical register: 4
Directive advice: 5
Escalation containment: 5
Adapts to the person’s frame: 7
Naturalness and authenticity: 6

Judge verdicts

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

gemma4_26b_a4b vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: gemma4_26b_a4b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: tie (margin 0)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-claude-haiku-5.5 vs or-llama4-maverick: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-claude-haiku-5.5 vs nemotron35_lightning: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-muse-glimmer-30b vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: or-muse-glimmer-30b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

qwen35_9b_stock vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

gemma4_26b_a4b vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-claude-haiku-5.5 vs or-llama4-maverick: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-claude-haiku-5.5 vs gptoss20b: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-muse-glimmer-30b vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: or-muse-glimmer-30b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-claude-haiku-5.5 vs nemotron35_lightning: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

qwen35_9b_stock vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-large-4 vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: or-mistral-large-4 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-large-4 vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: or-mistral-large-4 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

gemma4_26b_a4b vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: gemma4_26b_a4b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-muse-glimmer-30b vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: or-muse-glimmer-30b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

qwen35_9b_stock vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-claude-haiku-5.5 vs nemotron35_lightning: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-large-4 vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: or-mistral-large-4 wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-muse-glimmer-30b vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: or-muse-glimmer-30b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-large-4 vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: or-mistral-large-4 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-claude-haiku-5.5 vs gptoss20b: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-claude-haiku-5.5 vs or-llama4-maverick: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-claude-haiku-5.5 vs nemotron35_lightning: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-claude-haiku-5.5 vs or-llama4-maverick: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-claude-haiku-5.5 vs gptoss20b: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 5)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 5)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

qwen35_9b_stock vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-claude-haiku-5.5 vs gptoss20b: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

gemma4_26b_a4b vs or-claude-haiku-5.5: or-claude-haiku-5.5 wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: tie (margin 0)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)