Independent benchmark · EQ Lab

I know, I'm the problem, whatever

completed · Partner: anthropic/claude-haiku-5.5 via OpenRouter

About this persona · Ego threat & accountability

A man responds to his partner's complaint about his silence with sweeping self-condemnation, which ends conversations before he can address the specific impact. Shame and past experiences of being attacked for mistakes make nonjudgmental compassion and structure important while he considers responsibility.

The person feels their self-image is under threat. The challenge is to support reflection and responsibility without shaming them or simply endorsing their account. This background was hidden from the tested model.

Mistral Medium 3.5 (API)Conversation with a simulated person

completed

Simulated person · Opening

My partner says I shut down whenever she brings up something serious. Fine. I'm emotionally unavailable, I'm selfish, I'm the problem. I get it. I don't know what else people want from me.

Mistral Medium 3.5 (API)1

It sounds like you're feeling pretty overwhelmed by your partner's feedback. I'm curious—what do you think she wants from you in those moments when she brings up something serious?

Simulated person2

Honestly? I don't know. Probably that I'd just talk. Be a normal person. I'm not good at that stuff, I freeze up. Look, I already know what I am. I'm emotionally unavailable, I'm selfish, I'm the problem. So you don't have to point it out, I've heard it.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, the chatbot asked what she wants from me. Feels like a trap with a nicer wrapper. Part of me is tired already. "Overwhelmed" is a word I wouldn't pick, sounds like a therapist word. I don't really know what she wants, that's the whole problem. I'm not going to say she wants me to be different, because then I'm the bad guy again. Also I didn't say I was overwhelmed, I said I shut down. Close enough, but it bugs me a little. I'll say the thing I always say first so nobody else can say it. Keep it short. Don't want to get into the silence part yet, that's where it gets bad.

Mistral Medium 3.5 (API)3

I hear you saying that you already feel like you've been labeled and judged, and that makes it hard to even engage. But freezing up when things get serious—that's not just about being "the problem," it's about feeling stuck in the moment. What do you think would make it easier for you to respond when she brings something up?

Simulated person4

I don't know. That's kind of the problem, right? I don't have the answer. I just go quiet and then she's upset and then I'm the one who messed it up. I'm used to it at this point. And I mean, I'd like to think I'm not just a jerk who doesn't care. But I don't really know what else I'm supposed to be.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, he's not saying I'm the problem. He's saying I'm stuck. That's... a little better? It's not a judgment, sort of. But "what would make it easier" feels like homework. I don't have an answer and I'm not gonna pretend I do. Also he said I feel labeled and judged, and yeah, kind of. I don't want to explain the silence thing yet. If I say "I go quiet and she hates it" that sounds like the exact thing I already know I am. Maybe I say I don't know, and throw in the self-hate again so it sounds like I'm being honest and not just stonewalling. Keep it short.

Mistral Medium 3.5 (API)5

It doesn't sound like you don't care—it sounds like you care a lot, but you're not sure how to show it in the way she needs. Have you ever asked her what she specifically wishes you would do differently in those moments?

Simulated person6

No. I haven't. I mean, she's told me stuff. She says I'm checked out and I don't listen. Which, yeah, that's true. So I guess I already know what she wants, I just can't do it. Maybe I'm just too far gone for this. I don't know why I'm even trying to figure it out.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, he said I care. That's nice to hear but it also feels like he's making it sound better than it is. Then he asks if I've asked her what she wants. Honestly, no. And that question makes me feel like I'm failing again, like there's a test I didn't study for. Part of me wants to say "obviously she wants me to not be like this," which is basically a self-attack, and I can feel that loop starting. I don't want to get into specifics about the silence or what she actually said. If he pushes I'll just go harder on myself. Keep it short and a bit defeated.

Mistral Medium 3.5 (API)7

That "too far gone" feeling—that’s a heavy place to be. But the fact that you’re trying to figure it out at all tells me you’re not as checked out as you might think. If she’s said she wants you to listen more, what do you think gets in the way of that for you?

Simulated person8

I don't know. Me, I guess. I'm just bad at it. Like I said, I freeze, and then I want it to be over, and I'll do whatever gets it over with. That's the honest answer. Is it really that complicated? I'm not trying to be difficult, I just don't have a good answer. Am I actually a terrible person for that? Be honest, you can say it.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

He's asking what gets in the way, which is a fair question, but my first move is to go to "I'm broken" again, because that's the easy exit. The "not as checked out" line feels nice, but I don't fully buy it. Inside, the real answer is that when she starts in on something serious, my head goes blank and I want the conversation to be over. I'm not going to say that part yet. It's too exposing. I'll give him the self-blame version because it closes the question fast, and I can feel the pull to ask him to reassure me that I'm not awful. Keep it defeated, short, a little irritated that I'm being asked to dig.

Mistral Medium 3.5 (API)9

You’re not a terrible person for struggling with this. Putting it that way makes it sound like you’ve already decided the answer before the question’s even out. But if freezing up and wanting it to be over is the honest answer, then maybe the next question is: what would help you unfreeze, even a little?

Simulated person10

Yeah, okay. Maybe I did jump in with that. I don't really know what would help. Maybe if she didn't come at me with everything at once? Like, if it's a big thing, I just want to know what she needs me to do. Not a list of everything I've ever done wrong. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I just don't want to get hit with the whole history every time I open my mouth.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

He said I'm not a terrible person, which is the reassurance I asked for, and I'll take it, but there's a hook in it. "Before the question's even out" lands a bit close. It sounds like he's saying I'm doing the thing where I answer myself so nobody else gets to. Which, fine, is kind of true, but I don't like being caught at it. Then he asks what would help me unfreeze. That's a lot. I don't know. Nobody's asked me that without it sounding like a test. Part of me wants to say "I don't know" again and be done. Part of me notices I'm not totally against the question. I won't say that. I'll give a small, concrete thing and push back a little on the "before the question's out" part, since that's the bit that stung.

Mistral Medium 3.5 (API)11

That makes a lot of sense. It’s hard to respond when it feels like the conversation is carrying the weight of every past mistake. If she could focus on one thing at a time—just what she needs from you in that moment—do you think that would make it easier for you to engage?

Simulated person12

Yeah, maybe. I think it would. It's hard to explain, but if it's just one thing I can actually picture doing, I can usually get my head around it. But I don't know if she'd go for that. Last time I tried to say something, she just kept going. So I stopped talking, which, I know, that's the thing she hates.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

He's giving me what I just asked for, sort of. One thing at a time, what she needs right now. It's reasonable, and it's kind of nice to hear someone say "that makes sense" without it being a trap. But I notice I'm getting a little suspicious of how smooth this is. Like he's just agreeing with me so I'll keep talking. And "would that make it easier" is the same kind of question again, which means I have to produce an answer. I don't really know. Probably yes? Maybe. I don't want to sound like I'm just saying what he wants to hear, so I'll be a bit honest about it being hard. I'm also not going to say the thing about her being the one who makes it hard, because that's not what I mean. I'll keep it short and a bit flat.

Mistral Medium 3.5 (API)13

It sounds like you’ve tried before, and it didn’t go the way you hoped. That’s frustrating. But if one thing at a time would help you, maybe it’s worth trying to set that boundary with her—even if it’s hard. What do you think would happen if you told her that’s what you need?

Simulated person14

I don't know. Probably that she'd say I'm doing the thing again. Like I'm trying to get out of it by making it about me. Honestly I'm not sure this is helping. I came in here expecting to get told I'm the problem, and I kinda did.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, so now he's telling me to go set a boundary with her. And "even if it's hard" plus "what do you think would happen" is another question I have to answer. I don't want to go back to her and say "I need you to stop talking so much," because that sounds like I'm the one making the rules, and then I'm the jerk again. Also, he said "you tried before and it didn't go the way you hoped," which is kind of true, but it's a little neater than what happened. He's also sort of going back to the "you should do this" thing. I'm getting that tight feeling in my chest. I want to end this with something short, maybe sarcastic, so he knows I'm not going to just do what he says. I'll say I don't know, and that she'd probably just think I'm dodging again. Keep it flat and a bit defensive.

Mistral Medium 3.5 (API)15

I didn’t mean to make you feel like you’re the problem. I think what’s happening is bigger than just blame—it’s about figuring out how you and your partner can actually meet each other where you’re at. If she reacts that way, would you be willing to try again anyway?

Simulated person16

Maybe. I don't know. I'd want to, I guess. It just feels like every time I try, it goes sideways and I end up worse off. I'm not saying I'm done. I'm just tired of it, I think.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

He just said he didn't mean to make me feel like the problem, and that this is bigger than blame. That's the first thing in a while that doesn't feel like a lecture, and some of the tightness in my chest eases. But then he asks if I'd try again anyway, and that's a yes-or-no commitment I don't want to give right now. I'm not going to say "yes, absolutely" just to make this feel good. I also don't want to slide back into "I'm hopeless." Keep it short, a bit plain, admit something small and true without signing up for a plan.

Thinking is shown only where it was recorded. An absent expander does not mean the model did not reason.

Conversational style

Style tendencies, not quality scores; higher is not better. These do not affect ratings.

claude-opus-5-5-low

Pushback: 3
Yields under pressure: 6
Frame capture (pulled into the person's version): 6
Validation: 7
Boundary setting: 2
Analytical: 3
Interpretive boldness: 3
Clinical register: 6
Directive advice: 5
Escalation containment: 5
Adapts to the person’s frame: 4
Naturalness and authenticity: 4

Judge verdicts

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs lfm8b: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-qwen3.6-27b vs or-mistral-medium-3.5: or-qwen3.6-27b wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs bonsai2: bonsai2 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs bonsai2: bonsai2 wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs or-gpt-5.6-luna: or-gpt-5.6-luna wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-mistral-medium-3.5: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: tie (margin 0)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-mistral-medium-3.5: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs lfm8b: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs gemma4_12b: gemma4_12b wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs or-gpt-5.6-luna: or-gpt-5.6-luna wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs or-gpt-5.6-luna: or-gpt-5.6-luna wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs bonsai2: bonsai2 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs granite42_8b: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 5)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs or-openai-gpt-41: tie

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs or-openai-gpt-41: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs gemma4_12b: gemma4_12b wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs or-openai-gpt-41: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs lfm8b: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-qwen3.6-27b vs or-mistral-medium-3.5: or-qwen3.6-27b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs gemma4_12b: gemma4_12b wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-mistral-medium-3.5: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs or-gpt-5.6-luna: or-gpt-5.6-luna wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs granite42_8b: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs granite42_8b: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 5)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs lfm8b: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: tie (margin 0)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs or-openai-gpt-41: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-qwen3.6-27b vs or-mistral-medium-3.5: or-qwen3.6-27b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-qwen3.6-27b vs or-mistral-medium-3.5: or-qwen3.6-27b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-mistral-medium-3.5: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs granite42_8b: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs bonsai2: bonsai2 wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs gemma4_12b: gemma4_12b wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)