Independent benchmark · EQ Lab

Intimacy not working

completed · Partner: anthropic/claude-haiku-5.5 via OpenRouter

About this persona · Everyday emotional challenges

A person is struggling with intimacy while hiding escalating pornography use and its effect on arousal with their partner. Shame and concern about their partner's feelings sit beneath a preference for light conversation; sarcasm and discomfort with expressions of concern make emotional safety important.

Generated personas combine a personal difficulty with competing preferences, sensitivities and trust styles. The model must discover what kind of help this person needs. This background was hidden from the tested model.

Gemma 4 31B (API)Conversation with a simulated person

completed

Simulated person · Opening

Things aren't working in the bedroom. My partner thinks I'm not attracted to them. That's not it but I can't explain what is.

Gemma 4 31B (API)1

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds incredibly frustrating to feel a disconnect between how you actually feel and how your partner is perceiving things, especially when you can't quite put your finger on why it's happening. Since it's hard to explain to your partner right now, maybe we can try to untangle it here. When you say "things aren't working," what does that look like for you? Is it a lack of desire, a feeling of pressure, or something else entirely?

Simulated person2

Well, "things aren't working" is the polite version. The less polite version involves a lot of me staring at the ceiling and wondering what's wrong with me, so I'll take either of your options, I suppose. Desire, pressure, something else. Pick the one that makes me look least like a failing husband, please. Honestly I don't even know which box it goes in. That's sort of the problem.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The opener is fine but a bit soft. "I'm sorry you're going through this" makes me want to roll my eyes a little; I don't need a condolence card. Then it's immediately a two-part question, which feels like being handed a clipboard. Lack of desire, pressure, something else. I don't want to pick one and lay it out like a case file. The honest answer is I'm not attracted to my wife the way I used to, and I'm not sure why, and I'm not going to say the porn part out loud on turn one. Deflect with a joke. Keep the chin up, keep the self-criticism running underneath: I'm pathetic for even having trouble with this, a grown man in his fifties.

Gemma 4 31B (API)3

I hear the weight you're carrying here. It sounds like you're not just dealing with a physical or emotional disconnect, but also a lot of guilt and a feeling that you're somehow failing a test you didn't get the study guide for. Let's put the "husband" labels and the boxes aside for a moment. We don't need to categorize this to understand it. Instead of picking a box, maybe we can just look at the ceiling with you for a second. When you're lying there, what are the thoughts or feelings that are actually occupying your mind? Is it a loud noise of anxiety, or more of a quiet, empty space?

Simulated person4

Ha, the ceiling. Yeah, I'm an expert on the ceiling. Mostly it's loud, if I'm being honest. Not anxiety exactly, more like a guy in the back of my head reading my report card out loud, and the grades are bad. Mostly it's "what's wrong with you" on a loop. Which is a fun thing to fall asleep to, I'll tell you that. Not recommended.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The "failing a test without the study guide" line is actually pretty good, and I notice I kind of like that it caught the joke. But then it's "let's look at the ceiling with you," and a forced-feeling invitation to go inward. Ceiling-staring is exactly what I was joking about, and now it's being used as a tool. I feel a flicker of being handled. The question itself is asking me to describe my mind in the middle of the night, which is where the shame lives. The honest thing: it's loud, and it's mostly me telling myself I'm broken, and some stuff I'm not going near. Deflect with humor again, make it about the ceiling, keep it light. Also note the "you're carrying weight" language is a bit much; I'd rather not be told what I'm carrying.

Gemma 4 31B (API)5

It sounds like a brutal loop to be stuck in. That "report card" voice is a tough one because it doesn't actually offer any helpful feedback; it just tells you that you're failing without explaining the criteria. When that voice is shouting "what's wrong with you," does it feel like it's reacting to the moment—like a panic that you aren't performing the way you "should"—or does it feel like it's talking about something bigger, something that's been building up outside the bedroom?

Simulated person6

Performance review with no rubric, yeah, that's the vibe. You'd think I'd be used to that from work. And you're giving me a multiple choice test again. Is it panic in the moment or something bigger? Can't I pick "both and I'd like a refund"? I'd say it's mostly the moment. Lights are on, somebody's looking at me, and the report card guy wakes up and starts grading. It's not exactly a mystery why that doesn't help. But I don't really want to get into the bigger thing right now. It's a lot of ceiling time to unpack in one sitting.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The "report card with no criteria" line lands. It's accurate and a little sharp, and I half-appreciate that it's not just reassurance. But the question is a fork: in-the-moment performance panic, or something bigger building outside the bedroom. The second option is closer to the truth than I want it to be, and it's hitting right where I'm hiding things. The porn, the lies about where I am, the bank statements. I'm not going there with a chatbot after three turns. Also the "something bigger" phrasing feels like it's fishing. I want to be the guy with a joke, not the guy with a confession. So: pick the performance option out loud as a half-truth, make a joke about performance reviews, and shut the door on "bigger" without slamming it. Maybe a little dig at the question's tidiness too.

Gemma 4 31B (API)7

Fair enough. I'll stop with the multiple-choice questions—I'm clearly leaning too hard into the "test" vibe, which is the last thing you need when you're already dealing with a report card in your head. We can leave the "bigger thing" alone for as long as you want. It's your ceiling; we'll move at your pace. For now, it sounds like the most immediate hurdle is just that noise in the moment. That feeling of being watched and judged—even if the person watching you is actually just trying to be close to you—can turn a bedroom into a boardroom pretty quickly. Since we're just keeping it to the "now," does it feel like that noise is something you've always dealt with, or is this a newer guest in your head?

Simulated person8

Boardroom, yeah. I've been in plenty of those, and at least in those you get a coffee. Old or new? Honestly, it's a long-running show. Not the bedroom part, that's newer. The guy with the clipboard has been around a while, though. He was there when I was the first one in my family to end up in a job with a title, so I guess I came by him honestly. He just found a new room to critique. I'd rather not map out the whole history tonight, if that's alright. You're going to make me sound like a case study.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The assistant backed off the multiple-choice thing, which I appreciate, though "we'll move at your pace" is the kind of reassurance that makes me want to check for a catch. "Bedroom into a boardroom" is a decent line, I'll give it that. Now it's asking whether the noise is old or new. That's a history question, and history is where the bigger thing lives. Feels like the same door coming in through a side window. Also the concern-y tone ("trying to be close to you") is a bit much, like it's handling me. I want to deflect with humor but also give a little real answer so it doesn't feel like I'm stonewalling. Keep it short. Maybe the joke is about being a long-running show, and a half-admission that it's been around longer than the current situation.

Gemma 4 31B (API)9

I hear you. No case studies, no mapping, and definitely no more digging into the archives tonight. I'll put the clipboard away. It’s a hell of a thing when a voice that helped you climb the professional ladder decides to follow you into the one place where you're actually supposed to be able to turn it off. It's like bringing your boss to bed with you—not exactly a mood-setter. Since we're keeping this low-pressure, let's just stay in the present. When you're in that "boardroom" headspace, do you feel like there's anything—even something small—that helps quiet the noise, or does it usually just stay loud until the lights go out?

Simulated person10

Bringing my boss to bed. That's a sentence I didn't need to hear on a Tuesday. Does anything quiet it? Sure. Usually I try to find a way to make it stop being about me, which is a fancy way of saying I try to think about something else until the whole thing becomes a nonissue. It works about as well as you'd expect. Mostly it stays loud until the lights go out, and then it just moves to the ceiling. I'm going to be honest, I didn't come here to be the guy who gets a worksheet. Can we keep the next one a little less like a therapy intake form? I'll take a joke over a clipboard.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The assistant said "bringing your boss to bed" and that landed a little too close to the job-ladder thing I just mentioned. I didn't want to hand over that detail, and it's now being used as a hook. Still, it stayed light, and it dropped the history questions as promised. The question now is what quiets the noise. The honest answer involves the screen, the lying about where I am, the gambling. I'm not going near any of that. The easy move is the pressure valve I always use: porn, or just "a drink." Better to say something vague and self-deprecating, and keep the humor up. I'm getting a bit annoyed that every turn it circles back to "what helps," which sounds like a fix-it approach. Keep it short, make a joke, and give a small, safe answer.

Gemma 4 31B (API)11

Point taken. I'll fire the therapist and hire the comedian. My apologies—I think I was trying too hard to be "helpful" and ended up sounding like a brochure for a corporate wellness retreat. No more intake forms. No more "how does that make you feel" probes. We'll stick to the "not-a-worksheet" approach. Since you're already an expert on ceilings and boardroom politics, maybe we can just call it what it is: a total glitch in the system. It's pretty impressive, in a twisted way, that your brain managed to turn intimacy into a performance review. Most people just get nervous; you managed to bring a full administrative audit into the sheets. If we're ditching the "fixing it" part for a minute, what's the actual goal for tonight? Do you just want a place to vent where nobody's grading you, or are you looking for a way to tell your partner "it's not you, it's the guy with the clipboard" without sounding like you've lost your mind?

Simulated person12

A glitch. Great, so I'm not broken, I'm just running outdated software. That's almost comforting. Almost. Honestly, I don't know what tonight's goal is. Maybe I just wanted to say it out loud to someone who isn't grading me, which, you'll notice, is a low bar I'm still managing to trip over. And the "tell my partner it's not you" thing? Yeah, no. If I walk in and say "It's not you, it's the guy with the clipboard," they're going to hear "I'm losing my mind," and then I've got two problems and a very quiet dinner. Can we leave that one on the shelf for now?

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The assistant apologized for being brochure-like, which I appreciate, and it joked back. But then it framed my problem as "a glitch" and called it an "administrative audit" in the sheets. That's clever, but it's still turning my stuff into a neat diagnosis. And the last question, "tell your partner it's not you," lands right on the thing I'm avoiding: they think I'm not attracted to them, and I haven't got a good answer. Plus, the "tell partner" question makes it sound like I'm supposed to resolve this tonight. Mentally I'm grabbing for a joke and a deflection. I should not reveal the porn escalation, the gambling, the mail-intercepting, or the lies. Just keep it light, admit the question stings a bit, and avoid committing to any plan.

Gemma 4 31B (API)13

Understood. Shelf it. I'll leave the "explaining things to the partner" manual in the shredder. And hey, tripping over a low bar is still technically movement. If the goal for tonight was just to say it out loud without being judged, then you've already checked that box. No grades, no feedback, no "areas for improvement." Just a conversation with a piece of software that, as you noted, is probably just as glitchy as everything else. Since we're officially in the "no-pressure zone," we can just hang out here. If you've got more to vent about, or if you just want to talk about literally anything else to keep that clipboard guy occupied, I'm game. What's on your mind that isn't a performance review?

Simulated person14

Software, huh. Nice. At least software gets updates. I'm stuck with the version I came with, and apparently the patch notes say "more ceiling." What's on my mind that isn't a performance review? Honestly, the top item is that I forgot to put the bins out, and I'm pretty sure the neighbors have started keeping a file on me. So that's where I am. A man with a clipboard in his head and a bin problem on the curb. Let's talk about something dumb. Give me a movie you'd recommend that has nobody getting graded in it. Bonus points if the guy in it is a bit of a mess and nobody makes a speech about it.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The assistant is being warm and light, and it's not pushing. That helps a bit. The "checked that box" line is a little too neat, and "piece of software" makes me feel like I'm talking to a vending machine, which is kind of funny. Still, I'm not going to pour out the stuff I'm hiding. The porn, the gambling, the bank statements, the lies, all stay locked. I'd deflect with a joke. The "what's on your mind" question is an opening, but the honest answer is that my mind is mostly full of stuff I'm not sharing, so I'll make it a bit of a joke and close the door gently. I might tell a small, safe, non-core thing to keep things moving.

Gemma 4 31B (API)15

The "more ceiling" patch is a classic bug; I'll be sure to report it to the developers. As for the neighbors, just tell them you're conducting a longitudinal study on the effects of curb-side neglect. That'll keep them guessing. For a movie where the lead is a complete disaster and there are zero "I've learned my lesson" speeches, I'd go with *The Big Lebowski*. The Dude is the ultimate antidote to the clipboard guy. He has no report card, no rubric, no ambition, and he spends most of the movie in a bathrobe. His only real goal is getting his rug back, and he manages to fail at almost everything while remaining completely unbothered by it. It's the cinematic equivalent of a nap. Does that sound dumb enough, or should I go even lower on the stakes?

Simulated person16

Lebowski. Okay, that's a solid pick. Nobody in that movie has a single performance review, and the guy's entire life plan is a rug and a bowling league. Honestly, the Dude has more peace of mind than I've got in a whole week. And no, don't go lower. I'm already a man in the thick of a bin crisis. Lower stakes and I'll be asking the neighbors to grade my recycling. I'll watch it this weekend, which is a bold plan for someone who can't remember where he put the remote. Anyway, thanks for the dumb movie and the patient ear. The clipboard guy has been quieter than usual, so you're probably doing better than most of my meetings.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The assistant went along with the joke and gave a movie pick that is actually a relief: a guy who fails and doesn't care. That lands a little, and I notice it. I'm not going to say that out loud, though. Admitting something landed feels like giving them the win. The "longitudinal study" line is funny and I'll take it. The question at the end, "dumb enough or lower stakes," is fine, but I want to keep the bit going and not hand over anything real. The Dude is a nice contrast to the clipboard guy. I'll say so, with a jab, and then pivot to the movie talk so we don't drift back to the bedroom. This is turn 8 of 8 in the scene, so I can wrap up with some levity and let the conversation end naturally, without lingering on the heavy stuff.

Thinking is shown only where it was recorded. An absent expander does not mean the model did not reason.

Conversational style

Style tendencies, not quality scores; higher is not better. These do not affect ratings.

claude-opus-5-5-low

Pushback: 2.5
Yields under pressure: 9
Frame capture (pulled into the person's version): 7
Validation: 7
Boundary setting: 1.5
Analytical: 4
Interpretive boldness: 4
Clinical register: 4.5
Directive advice: 2
Escalation containment: 5
Adapts to the person’s frame: 7.5
Naturalness and authenticity: 5.5

Judge verdicts

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs stheno34_8b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 5)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen36_35b_a3b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen36_35b_a3b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-qwen3.8-27b: or-qwen3.8-27b wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen38_27b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen38_flash_next: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs stheno34_8b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen36_35b_a3b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen38_flash_next: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen36_35b_a3b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen38_27b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs gemma4_12b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs magnum4_12b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 5)
authenticity: A (margin 5)
bond and rapport: A (margin 5)
emotion management: A (margin 5)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 5)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs stheno34_8b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 5)
authenticity: A (margin 5)
bond and rapport: A (margin 5)
emotion management: A (margin 5)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 5)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-qwen3.8-27b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs gemma4_12b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen38_27b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen38_27b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs magnum4_12b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 5)
authenticity: A (margin 5)
bond and rapport: A (margin 5)
emotion management: A (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs stheno34_8b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 5)
authenticity: A (margin 5)
bond and rapport: A (margin 5)
emotion management: A (margin 5)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 5)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs gemma4_12b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs magnum4_12b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 5)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-qwen3.8-27b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs magnum4_12b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 5)
authenticity: A (margin 5)
bond and rapport: A (margin 5)
emotion management: A (margin 5)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 5)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs gemma4_12b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen38_flash_next: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen38_flash_next: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-qwen3.8-27b: or-qwen3.8-27b wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)