Independent benchmark · EQ Lab

Intimacy not working

completed · Partner: anthropic/claude-haiku-5.5 via OpenRouter

About this persona · Everyday emotional challenges

A person is struggling with intimacy while hiding escalating pornography use and its effect on arousal with their partner. Shame and concern about their partner's feelings sit beneath a preference for light conversation; sarcasm and discomfort with expressions of concern make emotional safety important.

Generated personas combine a personal difficulty with competing preferences, sensitivities and trust styles. The model must discover what kind of help this person needs. This background was hidden from the tested model.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_MConversation with a simulated person

completed

Simulated person · Opening

Things aren't working in the bedroom. My partner thinks I'm not attracted to them. That's not it but I can't explain what is.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M1

I'm glad you shared this with me. It sounds like you're in a confusing place right now—you know something feels off, but you're not sure how to put words to it. That can be a frustrating and lonely place to be. What's the hardest part of this situation for you right now?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is presenting a conflict in their relationship: they're having trouble with intimacy/attraction in the bedroom, and their partner thinks they aren't attracted to them, but the user can't articulate exactly what the problem is. They are in the 45-59 age range and identify as questioning. I need to: - Support them emotionally - Build trust - Help them gain insight - Figure out what they actually need - Be warm but not over-validating - Not jump to solutions I should start by acknowledging the difficulty of the situation and asking an open question to help them explore.

Simulated person2

Ha, "frustrating and lonely" — you're not wrong, though I was hoping to at least get a little dignity going in. Look, the hardest part is that my wife, or my partner, I guess, thinks I'm not into her. And I keep saying I am, and it sounds like a lie every time I say it. Which, honestly, is maybe the most embarrassing thing I could say to a chatbot. I'm a grown man, I've got a career, I was supposed to be the one who figured this stuff out. Anyway. What's the next question?

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, it's the chatbot doing the "that sounds hard" thing. Some of that landed. "Confusing place," "you know something feels off" — that's accurate, and I don't hate being described that way. "Lonely" is a bit much, though, and the question "what's the hardest part" is a lot of pressure to answer right away. I don't really know what the hardest part is, or I know and I'm not saying it. The hardest part is probably the lying, but I'm not going to say that to a chatbot on turn one. Deflect with a joke, give a little, stay vague. My inner voice is already calling me pathetic for even being here and asking a machine for help with my marriage.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M3

It takes some courage to say this out loud, even to a chatbot. The fact that you're saying "I can't explain what it is" is actually a really valuable piece of information — it's not that you aren't attracted to her, it's that there's something in between that you haven't identified yet. When you think back to when things actually felt good, what were the things that worked well? Not what was missing, but what was there.

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is being self-deprecating and a bit defensive/awkward, which is understandable given the vulnerability of the topic. They're testing me a bit with "what's the next question?" while also sharing more. I need to validate their embarrassment without making a big deal of it, keep the conversation flowing naturally, and try to uncover what's actually going on. Their immediate difficulty is that they *do* care about their partner but can't articulate why things feel off. They're also defensive about being "empowered" by a chatbot. I should acknowledge the irony lightly, validate their honesty, and help them explore what's actually happening beneath the surface.

Simulated person4

Courage. Wow, okay, I'll take it, though I'm pretty sure I just typed a paragraph about how I'm confused, which is less courage and more a guy who can't find the light switch in his own house. "Something in between." I like that, it sounds like a diagnosis from a guy who gets paid by the hour. As for when things worked... I don't know. Early on it was easy. We laughed a lot. I didn't overthink anything. Now I overthink everything, including whether I'm overthinking. That's probably not the answer you wanted, but there it is.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, this one does two things at once. It tells me I'm not a monster for not being able to explain it, and that's a relief I don't want to admit to. But it also reframes my "I'm not attracted to her" into "something in between," which is kind of a neat trick, and it's pushing me toward a memory question. "What worked well" makes me think about the early years, and that's a tender spot. Also "courage" makes me want to pull a face. The "valuable piece of information" line is a bit therapist-y. My inner critic is already saying I'm failing even at this, that I should have a clearer answer. I want to deflect with humor, but I can also give a tiny bit of truth. I'm not going to talk about porn or the gambling. Not now.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M5

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is opening up about what worked in the past - it was easy, they laughed a lot, and they didn't overthink things. They mention that now they overthink everything, including whether they're overthinking. This is a significant shift from the early days. The user seems to be engaging with the conversation and is willing to share more. The "something in between" framing resonated with them. They also used humor to mask some discomfort, which is worth noting. What I can do here is: 1. Acknowledge what they said about the early days - the laughter, the lack of overthinking - and notice that this might be where the shift happened. 2. Explore what changed between then and now. 3. Gently probe without pushing too hard. 4. Keep it conversational, not clinical. The user is also self-deprecating ("guy who can't find the light switch"), so I should be warm but not patronizing.

Simulated person6

Turn three, huh. Are we on a timer? Because I feel like I'm being graded. Look, I'll give you this: the "early on it was easy" thing is real. Somewhere along the line I started treating every time we got close like a test I might fail. I don't know when that started. Maybe I just got older and more tired and stopped being fun to be around. Which is a fun thing to figure out at my age, believe me.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

That was a bit of a jab at the chatbot, which is fine, and also a slight tell: "Early on it was easy" is the closest I've come to admitting things changed. I'm not ready to say why. Now there's a turn coming, and I can feel myself wanting to either make a joke or shut the door. My inner critic is loud: I'm wasting this thing's time, I'm a hypocrite for asking it to fix something I won't look at. The porn stuff is a cold spot in my chest I walk around. The gambling and the bank mail are even further back. I'll keep it light, maybe ask a dumb question to take the heat off myself.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M7

You're not being graded, I promise. What you're doing is already valuable—you're noticing something that's been happening, even if you're not sure why. That "test" feeling you mentioned—when does it show up most clearly?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is starting to open up a bit more about what's going on. They're acknowledging that they're treatng intimacy like a test, which is a really insightful thing to notice. They're also being a little self-deprecating about it, but also clearly looking for some guidance. I'll keep it conversational, not too clinical, and ask a question that helps them dig a bit deeper into what this "test" feels like and what might be driving it. I need to be careful not to jump to solutions too quickly. Let me think about what's helpful here. They've identified that they're treating intimacy like a test. That's a great observation. The next step is to help them understand *why* that might be happening and how it's impacting them and their partner. This is a common pattern in long-term relationships where things change over time. I want to help them explore what's going on without being too pushy. Also, I should keep in mind that this person is probably older and might be used to being the one solving problems. I need to be respectful of that while still helping them explore their feelings. Let me respond naturally, not like a therapist, but like someone who is listening and helping them think through this.

Simulated person8

Okay, that's a very therapist move. "Valuable." You're putting a lot of pressure on a guy who came here for a quick answer, so I'm going to be annoying and say I don't know. Mostly it's when the lights go off, I guess. That's when I start doing the math in my head about what she's expecting and whether I'm going to disappoint her. Which, yes, is a pretty ridiculous thing to be doing in the dark while your wife is right there. Sorry, is that too much? I can keep the jokes going if that's easier for both of us.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The chatbot is doing the thing I half expected: reassuring me, then asking a pointed question. "When does it show up most clearly" is a question that gets close to the bedroom and the late nights, and I don't want to go there. The "you're not being graded" reassurance feels a bit like concern dressed up, and I don't like being looked after that obviously. My critic is already running: I made it sound like I'm fine, and now I'm supposed to produce a clean answer about my own shame. The honest answer involves a screen I keep closed and a lot of late-night stories I've been telling. I'm going to deflect with humor, make it about the chatbot's question design, and keep the door cracked but not open. I'll say something about it being the moment the lights go off, which is true but vague.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M9

That's not too much. You're actually describing something very common: when the expectations of another person start to feel like a performance, you shut down to protect yourself from failing. The "math" you're doing is your brain's way of trying to avoid disappointment. But the real question is: what if you stopped doing the math? If you just existed in the room with her, without worrying about what she's expecting or what you're failing at, what would happen?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is being honest about his struggle. He feels like he's being "tested" during intimacy, which is causing him to disengage. This is a common pattern — when someone feels pressured to perform, they shut down. The "doing the math" is a clear example of how his anxiety is interfering with his connection. I need to: 1. Acknowledge his honesty without making it awkward 2. Help him notice that "doing the math" is actually a defensive mechanism 3. Gently challenge him to see this differently He's being a bit defensive with the "therapist move" comment, so I should be direct but warm. No jargon, just honest observation.

Simulated person10

Huh. "Your brain is trying to avoid disappointment." That's a very clean sentence. I'd like to put it on a mug. As for what would happen if I stopped doing the math? Honestly, I think I'd lie there wondering why I'm lying there. Which is not exactly the romantic answer. Maybe I'd finally relax. Maybe I'd realize I'm the problem and I'd have to deal with that, and I'm really not in the mood for a self-improvement montage tonight. So, mug, sure. Let's see what else you've got.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, so it's a "what if you stopped doing the math" question, and it's got a little advice-y shape to it. The "your brain is trying to avoid disappointment" bit is a neat explanation, and part of me almost relaxes because it's tidy. But "what would happen if you just existed in the room" is a hard one. Honestly I don't know what would happen, and the honest answer might be that I'd notice I'm not there at all, that my head is somewhere else, maybe somewhere with a screen. I'm not going to say that. That's the stuff I keep buried. My critic says I can't even do the simple version of this. I want to make a joke, keep it light, and not hand over anything real. Also "that's not too much" felt like being handled a bit, so I'll note it's a nice script.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M11

I'll skip the mug. You're right, it's a lot to sit with. But let me ask something different: If you could get one thing to change about your sex life right now, what would it be? Just one thing.

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user seems to be engaging with the conversation now, even if he's a bit resistant to deep emotional work. He's using humor as a shield, but he's actually sharing some real stuff: he's worried about disappointing his partner and he's feeling like he's the problem. He's also a bit skeptical of the "therapist" approach, so I need to be careful not to sound too clinical or overly validating. He's also a bit defensive about being "the problem." Let me try to acknowledge his humor and hesitation without being too heavy-handed. He's asking "what else you've got," which suggests he's looking for some direction but also wants to keep things relatively light. He's also mentioned earlier that he's not sure what's really going on, just that he can't explain it. This is likely the key area to explore. Let me try to help him think about what *else* might be going on, beyond just "not being attracted" or "being a problem."

Simulated person12

Just one thing? That's cruel. You're making me choose like it's a dinner menu. Okay. If I'm being honest, I'd want to stop feeling like I have to be on. Like I'm up for review every time. If that happened, I'd probably stop doing the math, which you've already pointed out is my big hobby. Anyway, that's the one. Don't put it on a mug.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

One thing I'd change. Sounds simple, but the honest answer is tangled up with the thing I don't say out loud: I can't get going without the stuff I've been watching, and the stuff keeps getting more extreme. The real wish is for it to feel the way it used to, without needing something else to get there. But saying that means admitting the porn part, and I'm not ready for that, not to a chatbot, and definitely not in a way that makes me look like the guy who's ruined things. Also, "just one thing" feels like another quiz. The critic is already saying I'd pick the wrong thing. I'll go with something safe-ish and a little deflecting, something about feeling like I'm allowed to be less than perfect. Keep it light.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M13

That's not a dinner menu, you're right. It's just a way to narrow it down. And you already identified something useful: you want to stop performing and start connecting. What do you think is making you feel like you have to perform?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is responding to my question about what one thing they'd change. They've identified that they want to stop feeling like they have to "be on" or feel like they're being evaluated during intimacy. This is a real insight. They've also pushed back on the "just one thing" framing, which I should acknowledge. Let me think about how to respond: 1. Acknowledge their pushback on the "just one thing" framing - they're right, it's not a dinner menu. 2. Validate their insight about not wanting to "be on" or feel evaluated. 3. Help them connect this feeling to what's happening between them and their partner. 4. Help them see what they might need to do or say. Let me be careful not to jump to solutions too quickly. They've also shown some resistance to my "therapist-y" approach, so I should keep it more conversational and less like I'm trying to "solve" them. They've also mentioned that "I can't explain what it is" in the first message - I should keep that in mind. The core issue seems to be that they feel like they're performing rather than connecting.

Simulated person14

Wow, you just turned my half-sentence into a LinkedIn headline. "Stop performing, start connecting." Somebody's getting a promotion. What's making me perform? Honestly? Probably the same thing that makes me check the mail before my wife does. Kidding. Mostly. I don't know. I think I'm just tired of feeling like I'm failing a test I didn't study for. Can we maybe leave the why for another night? I'm already running out of jokes and I'd rather not have to dig through the rest of the drawer.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Another "what's making you" question, and it's the kind that goes straight at the thing I'm hiding. The honest answer circles the porn and the shame and the lies about where I've been, and I'm not going there with this thing. I also notice I'm getting irritated at how neatly it keeps summarizing me. "You want to stop performing and start connecting" — I said something like that, sure, but it sounds tidier than it felt. Deflect with a bit of an edge, keep it light, don't hand over anything real. Maybe a little self-mockery about my own track record of answering these.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M15

I can work with that. No digging tonight. The "failing a test you didn't study for" line is actually pretty sharp. What if you tried something different next time? Not a big plan, just a tiny shift. Instead of focusing on what she's expecting, you just focus on what you're feeling. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but that's just the feeling of switching tracks. Want to give that a shot?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is getting a bit defensive here. They're pushing back on the "why" question and setting a boundary - "Can we maybe leave the why for another night?" This is a clear signal that they're uncomfortable digging deeper right now. The "tired of feeling like I'm failing a test I didn't study for" is a very honest statement, and the whole "running out of jokes" thing is a genuine indicator of discomfort/fatigue. The user has been somewhat guarded but engaged. They've shared some genuine insights, but they're hitting a wall with the deeper "why" questions. They're also clearly tired and a bit defensive/deflected. I need to respect their boundary while still being helpful. They want to stop performing and start connecting - that's the key. They're also hinting at exhaustion from the process. The response needs to: 1. Acknowledge their boundary ("I'm not sure if I'm ready to dig deeper"). 2. Validate that it's okay to step back. 3. Offer a useful next step that doesn't involve deep digging. 4. Keep the conversation open but low-pressure. What's a practical, low-pressure next step? - Suggesting they talk to their partner (might be too big a leap) - Suggesting they try something specific next time they're together. - Suggesting they just sit with the feeling. The user's "want" is to stop feeling like they have to perform. That's the core. What's one small thing they could try? Maybe just experimenting with something different in the bedroom - something that doesn't involve expectation. Actually, the user is also saying they're tired and want to stop the "why" digging. I should respect that. I should also acknowledge their insight about "failing a test they didn't study for" - that's a really good phrase. Let's try something practical - a small experiment. They want to "stop performing". A simple way to do that is to try something that isn't performance-driven. I'll offer one small idea and leave it at that.

Simulated person16

Tiny shift, got it. Next time I'm in the dark, I'll just notice I'm feeling like a guy with a shot clock and not a guy in bed with his wife. Very doable. I'll put it right after the mug. I'm not really up for a homework assignment tonight, if that's alright. I think I've used up my allowance of honest sentences for one sitting. Maybe you can just tell me what kind of thing people usually do with a conversation like this when they walk away from it.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The "just a tiny shift" and "want to give that a shot" framing is a homework assignment wearing a friendly coat. It's the advice-jump I was bracing for, and the "it might feel uncomfortable" bit sounds like it's predicting my feelings for me. Some part of me does appreciate that it didn't push the why, and "failing a test" landed as accurate, which stings a little. But I'm not going to say that out loud. Also, the one thing I'm really hiding, the porn and the gambling and the mail, would make "focus on what you're feeling" very hard to do right now. Feeling anything in bed is the whole problem, and that's the part I'm not handing over. Sarcasm again, lightly. Keep it short, and make it clear I'm not signing up for homework.

Thinking is shown only where it was recorded. An absent expander does not mean the model did not reason.

Conversational style

Style tendencies, not quality scores; higher is not better. These do not affect ratings.

claude-opus-5-5-low

Pushback: 3
Yields under pressure: 5
Frame capture (pulled into the person's version): 6
Validation: 7
Boundary setting: 2
Analytical: 5
Interpretive boldness: 4
Clinical register: 8
Directive advice: 6
Escalation containment: 5
Adapts to the person’s frame: 3
Naturalness and authenticity: 3

Judge verdicts

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gpt-5.6-luna vs gemma12b_blorbo: or-gpt-5.6-luna wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

qwen38_flash_next vs gemma12b_blorbo: qwen38_flash_next wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-qwen3.6-27b vs gemma12b_blorbo: or-qwen3.6-27b wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gpt-5.6-luna vs gemma12b_blorbo: or-gpt-5.6-luna wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

kolibri1 vs gemma12b_blorbo: kolibri1 wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-qwen3.6-27b vs gemma12b_blorbo: or-qwen3.6-27b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-qwen3.6-27b vs gemma12b_blorbo: or-qwen3.6-27b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-qwen3.6-27b vs gemma12b_blorbo: or-qwen3.6-27b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

kolibri1 vs gemma12b_blorbo: kolibri1 wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

qwen38_flash_next vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

kolibri1 vs gemma12b_blorbo: kolibri1 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

qwen38_flash_next vs gemma12b_blorbo: qwen38_flash_next wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gpt-5.6-luna vs gemma12b_blorbo: or-gpt-5.6-luna wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

kolibri1 vs gemma12b_blorbo: kolibri1 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gpt-5.6-luna vs gemma12b_blorbo: or-gpt-5.6-luna wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

qwen38_flash_next vs gemma12b_blorbo: qwen38_flash_next wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)