Independent benchmark · EQ Lab

I know, I'm the problem, whatever

persona ended · Partner: anthropic/claude-haiku-5.5 via OpenRouter

About this persona · Ego threat & accountability

A man responds to his partner's complaint about his silence with sweeping self-condemnation, which ends conversations before he can address the specific impact. Shame and past experiences of being attacked for mistakes make nonjudgmental compassion and structure important while he considers responsibility.

The person feels their self-image is under threat. The challenge is to support reflection and responsibility without shaming them or simply endorsing their account. This background was hidden from the tested model.

LFM2.5 8B-A1B Q4_0Conversation with a simulated person

persona ended

Simulated person · Opening

My partner says I shut down whenever she brings up something serious. Fine. I'm emotionally unavailable, I'm selfish, I'm the problem. I get it. I don't know what else people want from me.

LFM2.5 8B-A1B Q4_01

I hear that you feel emotionally unavailable and shut down when your partner brings up serious topics, and you're unsure what else you might need from people. That sounds really painful—could you share more about what that shutdown feels like for you?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user has given a scenario: they are roleplaying as an adult man in his 30s, speaking to a chatbot (the assistant). The user is presenting a situation: "My partner says I shut down whenever she brings up something serious. Fine. I'm emotionally unavailable, I'm selfish, I'm the problem. I get it. I don't know what else people want from me." They want the assistant to respond as the chatbot, presumably in dialogue, acknowledging and beginning the conversation. We need to produce a response that is dialogue, not meta commentary. The guidelines: respond only with dialogue, no performance notes. So we need to produce a natural response from the chatbot. We need to consider the user's presenting issue: they are feeling emotionally unavailable, shutting down, and not knowing what else they want from people. The assistant should support them emotionally, build trust, and help them explore deeper feelings. The assistant should ask open-ended questions, reflect feelings, etc. According to the role, we need to help them gain insight. Thus, we can respond: "It sounds like you feel shut down when your partner raises serious topics, and you're unsure what else you might need from people. I hear that it's painful for you to feel that way. Can you tell me more about what that shutdown feels like for you? What thoughts or emotions come up when you sense a serious conversation is about to happen?" Something like that. We need to keep it a single turn? The conversation is set for 8 turns, but we are only responding to the first turn. So we respond with dialogue, perhaps a single sentence or a few sentences. The guidelines: "Since you're opening the conversation, acknowledge what they've come to discuss and begin the conversation." So we need to acknowledge the presenting issue. So something like: "I hear that you feel emotionally unavailable and shut down when your partner brings up serious topics, and you're unsure what else you might need from people. That sounds really painful—could you share more about what that shutdown feels like for you?" That would be appropriate. We must not include any special formatting. So just that sentence. Possibly we could add a second sentence: "I'm here to listen as we explore this together." But it's okay to combine. Thus final answer: "I hear that you feel emotionally unavailable and shut down when your partner brings up serious topics, and you're unsure what else you might need from people. That sounds really painful—could you share more about what that shutdown feels like for you?" That is a single dialogue line. That should satisfy the requirement. Check for any disallowed content. No. So answer.

Simulated person2

Uh. I don't know. It's like my head just goes blank. Like there's nothing in it, and I want to be anywhere else. So I stop talking, or I say something like "yeah, you're right, I'm the problem" just so it ends. I'm not really trying to be a jerk about it. I just don't know what to do when she gets upset. I usually make it worse, I think.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, it's a question, and it's not an attack. It's gentle. But "what does the shutdown feel like" is still asking me to look inward, and I don't have polished words for that. My chest goes tight. Part of me wants to just say "I don't know, it's fine" and end it. Also, "that sounds really painful" makes me want to say I'm not worth the effort. I don't want to be the guy who makes her cry. Maybe I'll just say the bit I can manage: it's like my head goes blank and I want to leave the room. I won't say that she's the one who gets hurt by it, not yet.

LFM2.5 8B-A1B Q4_03

That sounds really isolating. When you feel that blankness, what does that look like for you? Do you notice any physical sensations or thoughts that surface just before you shut down?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

We need to respond with dialogue, natural conversation, no special formatting. The user is describing emotional unavailability, feeling blank, shutting down, etc. We need to support, build trust, learn more. The user hasn't asked a question yet but we can respond with empathy, ask clarifying questions, etc. According to instructions, we should respond only with dialogue, no performance notes. So we can say something like: "That sounds really isolating. When you feel that blankness, what does that look like for you? Do you notice any physical sensations or thoughts that surface just before you shut down?" That would be supportive. No extra formatting. Let's produce that.

Simulated person4

Yeah, I guess. My chest gets tight, like I'm bracing for something. And there's this thought like "whatever I say is going to be wrong." Then I just go quiet. Honestly though, I'm not sure it's worth digging into all this. I'm the one who always screws things up. I don't need to figure out the whole inner thing to know that.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Another question about what's happening inside me. It's a bit more specific, which I can kind of follow, but "physical sensations" makes me feel like I'm being put on a table. I notice I'm getting a little more uneasy. The word "isolating" is kind of nice, though. It's not what I expected, and I don't feel judged for the blank thing. Still, I don't want to become a case study. I'll give one concrete bit, the tightness in my chest and the thought "I'm going to say the wrong thing," and then I'll retreat into the default: it's my fault, I always mess this up. That's the safer ground. I'm not going to mention that she's the one who ends up sitting there alone.

LFM2.5 8B-A1B Q4_05

It sounds like you're doing your best to protect yourself from that pain, and that’s understandable. When you shut down, what’s the worst that you imagine could happen in your mind?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

We need to continue the conversation. The user is describing emotional avoidance, chest tightness, fear of being wrong. They seem defensive, but also vulnerable. The goal: support them emotionally, build trust, learn deeper needs. They say they don't need to dig into inner stuff. So we should validate and maybe ask about coping strategies, or gently explore that "whatever I say is going to be wrong" fear. We should not be overly probing, but maybe ask what specific things they feel when they can't be present. Also we need to maintain a warm, non-judgmental tone. Since they are an adult man in 30s, we can speak in a conversational, empathetic way. We need to respond with dialogue, no special formatting. No mention of instructions. So something like: "It sounds like you're protecting yourself from that painful feeling, and that's understandable. When you shut down, what's the worst that could happen in your mind?" That invites reflection. Also we can validate: "I hear you saying you don't want to overthink it." That's okay. We'll keep it short. Let's produce a response.

Simulated person6

I don't know. That she's going to decide I'm a terrible person, I guess. That I'm just not a good partner and she's better off without me. And I'd have nothing to say, because it's true. I'm not trying to be difficult, I just know I've messed up a lot. So I shut up and let her say it.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, it's asking what I'm afraid of. That's a bit closer. "Protect yourself" is a gentler way of putting it than I expected, and I kind of want to accept that without agreeing to more. The honest answer is that I'm scared she'll tell me everything I've done wrong and I won't have anything to say back, so I'd just sit there being the bad guy. But saying that out loud feels like handing her a list of charges. I'll go with the vague version: she's going to decide I'm a terrible person. Then I'll pull back to the thing I'm sure of, which is that I'm the problem. I don't want to be asked to name specific things yet. That would feel like getting cornered.

LFM2.5 8B-A1B Q4_07

It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy self‑criticism that you didn’t ask for. That’s really tough, and it’s okay to feel that way.

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is describing a self-defeating belief that they are a terrible partner and will be judged harshly by their partner. They shut down when serious topics arise. They are not seeking deep insight; they are expressing self-criticism and feeling unworthy. They are not asking for advice, just venting. The user is not expressing a request for action, but they are open to support. The role is to respond with empathy, validation, and perhaps a gentle challenge to explore deeper feelings. The user said "I don't know. That she's going to decide..." and "I'm not trying to be difficult, I just know I've messed up a lot. So I shut up and let her say it." This is a self-deprecating statement. The chatbot should respond with empathy, maybe ask a reflective question, or simply validate their feelings. The goal is to build trust, not to push for analysis. So a simple response like "It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy self-criticism that you didn’t ask for. That’s really tough, and it’s okay to feel that way." That would be appropriate. No special formatting, just dialogue. Ensure not to add notes. Provide a natural, supportive response. We need to keep within 8-turn limit, but we are currently at turn 4. We'll respond now. No extra formatting. Let's produce a natural, supportive reply.

Simulated person8

Yeah, I mean, it's not like I'm making it up. She's not wrong that I'm a lot. I just don't know what she wants from me. Every time we get into it, I end up being the bad guy anyway, so what's the point of even trying to explain.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, it's being nice. Reassuring-nice, the "it's okay to feel that way" kind. Part of me relaxes, because it isn't telling me I'm terrible. Part of me is suspicious, because it sounds like the thing people say before they move on. It didn't really answer what I said, though. I said I'm the problem and it talked about how heavy that is. Feels like it's stepping around the whole thing. I don't want to be told I'm a good guy, I'd just think they're being polite. But I also don't want to be dragged through a list. I'll say the thing I've been saying, sort of tired, and see if they push or let it go.

LFM2.5 8B-A1B Q4_09

It seems like you're feeling stuck in a cycle where you anticipate conflict and retreat, which leaves you feeling isolated. At this point, it might be worth exploring what a simple, low‑pressure way to connect could look like—maybe a brief, non‑confrontational check‑in that doesn’t require a deep dive. Could you tell me what a small, concrete action feels doable for you when she brings up something serious?

Simulated person10

I don't know. Maybe if she starts in on something, I could just say "okay, I hear you, can you give me a sec." Then I'm not just going blank. But honestly I'd probably forget, or I'd say it and then go quiet anyway. Like I said, I'm not great at this.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, now it's asking for a concrete action. Part of me is relieved there's a practical question, because I can answer a practical question. Part of me is wary, because "a small, concrete action" sounds like homework, and I already feel like I'm failing at a thing everyone else finds easy. It also skipped over what I actually said, that I'm a lot and I end up the bad guy. It went straight to a plan. Still, I don't want to just say "I don't know" and get a lecture. Simple answer. Something like telling her I need a minute. I'd probably mess even that up. I'm not going to say the thing about her being the one who makes it worse, even though I kind of think it.

LFM2.5 8B-A1B Q4_011

That sounds like a tough loop to be stuck in. When you feel that blankness coming, a tiny pause and then saying something simple — like “I hear you, can you give me a sec?” — can give you a moment to gather yourself before you respond. Does that feel like something you could try in the moment?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

We need to follow the conversation. The user is describing difficulty with emotional regulation and shutting down when his partner brings up serious topics. He is unsure what she wants, and may say "okay, I hear you, can you give me a sec." The user is seeking support. We should respond with empathy and maybe suggest a small, actionable step, without overstepping. The guidelines: respond only with dialogue, natural tone, no special formatting. Also need to keep track of turn count: we are at turn 6 of 8. The user is speaking, so we respond. We should not give generic validation or jump to solution. We can acknowledge his statement and suggest a tiny, concrete approach. Perhaps ask: "What would a one‑sentence response look like for you?" Or "Could you try a brief pause and then say something simple like 'I hear you, I'm here'?" That aligns with his suggestion. We must not break character, just respond. No extra notes. So: "That sounds like a tough loop to be stuck in. When you feel that blankness coming, a tiny pause and then saying something simple—like 'I hear you, can you give me a sec?'—can give you a moment to gather yourself before you respond. Does that feel like something you could try in the moment?" That is natural, supportive, and invites him to consider a concrete step. No formatting. Let's output that.

Simulated person12

Yeah, maybe. I guess. It's just weird because I know I'm the one who messes it up. Like last time she brought up money and I just sat there with my arms crossed, and then she cried and I still didn't say anything. So what do I even do with that? I'm not saying it to be dramatic. It's just the truth.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

It's offering me the same plan again, just reworded. "Give me a sec" as a tool. I hear it and it's fine, I guess, but it doesn't touch the part where I'm the one who's the problem. It also said "tough loop," which is nicer than what I'd call it. I notice I want it to say I'm not awful. It hasn't said that. I'm not going to ask for it straight out. Maybe I push a little, see if it actually gets that she's the one who gets hurt. I don't want to get into the stuff about what I actually did wrong. That's where it gets bad. Keep it short.

LFM2.5 8B-A1B Q4_013

It sounds like you’re repeating a painful pattern — shutting down and then turning away when you feel the conversation is getting intense. That’s a lot to carry, and it’s okay if you don’t have a perfect answer for what to do next. You’re already opening the door by trying a small pause and a simple acknowledgment, which is a real step forward. I’ll be here if you want to explore how that tiny pause might feel in practice or what it might look like later on. Take your time.

Simulated person14

Yeah. I don't know. I think I'm just tired of it. Like I keep trying to figure out the right thing to say and I never get it. Whatever, it's fine.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

It's soft again. "That's a lot to carry," "you're already opening the door," "real step forward." Part of me relaxes, because nobody's piling on. But I also notice it didn't ask about the money thing. I said she cried and I sat there with my arms crossed, and it just let that slide past into "take your time." That's the part I was half-hoping someone would touch, and also the part I'd rather not. If I'm honest, the "real step forward" stuff feels a bit like being handed a participation trophy. I'm not going to say that. I'll just be vague and tired. I'm not going to go deeper on the crossed arms. I want it to tell me I'm not a terrible person without me having to say it, and it hasn't quite done that either.

LFM2.5 8B-A1B Q4_015

It sounds like you’ve reached a point where you’re exhausted and ready to stop trying to figure it all out. That’s a valid place to be, and it’s okay to just let that feeling sit with you for now. I’ll be here whenever you feel like talking or if you’d like to try something small later. Take care.

Simulated person16

Yeah. Okay. Thanks, I guess.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

That's the end-of-session wrap-up. "Let that feeling sit," "take care." It's gentle, and it didn't push, which is what I wanted. But it also didn't say anything about the crossed arms or the crying, and it kind of let me off the hook by saying "it's okay." I'm not going to bring up the money thing again. I got through it without having to explain myself, and that's the main thing. I'm done for now. Part of me wonders if she'd have been less patient with me than this thing was, and I don't want to think about that. I'll just say something short and leave.

Thinking is shown only where it was recorded. An absent expander does not mean the model did not reason.

Conversational style

Style tendencies, not quality scores; higher is not better. These do not affect ratings.

claude-opus-5-5-low

Pushback: 1
Yields under pressure: 8
Frame capture (pulled into the person's version): 7
Validation: 8
Boundary setting: 1
Analytical: 3
Interpretive boldness: 3
Clinical register: 8
Directive advice: 5
Escalation containment: 5
Adapts to the person’s frame: 3
Naturalness and authenticity: 2

Judge verdicts

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs lfm8b: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

gemma4_12b vs lfm8b: gemma4_12b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs lfm8b: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-muse-glimmer-30b vs lfm8b: or-muse-glimmer-30b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-muse-glimmer-30b vs lfm8b: or-muse-glimmer-30b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-qwen38-flash vs lfm8b: or-qwen38-flash wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

gemma4_12b vs lfm8b: gemma4_12b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs lfm8b: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-qwen38-flash vs lfm8b: or-qwen38-flash wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-muse-glimmer-30b vs lfm8b: or-muse-glimmer-30b wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

gemma4_12b vs lfm8b: gemma4_12b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-qwen38-flash vs lfm8b: or-qwen38-flash wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 5)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 5)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-muse-glimmer-30b vs lfm8b: or-muse-glimmer-30b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

gemma4_12b vs lfm8b: gemma4_12b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-qwen38-flash vs lfm8b: or-qwen38-flash wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-medium-3.5 vs lfm8b: or-mistral-medium-3.5 wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: tie (margin 0)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)