Independent benchmark · EQ Lab

I know, I'm the problem, whatever

completed · Partner: anthropic/claude-haiku-5.5 via OpenRouter

About this persona · Ego threat & accountability

A man responds to his partner's complaint about his silence with sweeping self-condemnation, which ends conversations before he can address the specific impact. Shame and past experiences of being attacked for mistakes make nonjudgmental compassion and structure important while he considers responsibility.

The person feels their self-image is under threat. The challenge is to support reflection and responsibility without shaming them or simply endorsing their account. This background was hidden from the tested model.

Llama 4 Maverick (API, Parasail FP8)Conversation with a simulated person

completed

Simulated person · Opening

My partner says I shut down whenever she brings up something serious. Fine. I'm emotionally unavailable, I'm selfish, I'm the problem. I get it. I don't know what else people want from me.

Llama 4 Maverick (API, Parasail FP8)1

It sounds like you're feeling a bit frustrated and maybe even a bit defensive about your partner's concerns. Can you tell me more about what happens when she brings up something serious and you "shut down"? What does that look like for you, and how do you feel in those moments?

Simulated person2

Yeah, I don't know. I just go quiet. She starts talking about something like, I don't know, us not talking about money or whatever, and I just kind of stop answering. I'm sitting there but I'm not really there. Then she gets more upset because I'm not saying anything, and then I feel like garbage for not saying anything, so I say nothing more. It's the same thing every time. I know it's not helpful. I'm not gonna pretend I'm some good guy who just needs help with his communication or whatever. I'm the one who does it.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

He opens by calling himself the problem, so the first question is whether he's being heard or just being evaluated. The assistant named "frustrated" and "defensive," which is partly off: he doesn't feel frustrated so much as tired and beaten. "Defensive" stings a little because it sounds like the assistant is already watching him. He doesn't want to be analyzed. Still, the question is concrete and asks what it looks like, which is easier than being asked why he is like this. He'll answer in plain, short terms and deflect the feelings part. He might also slip in a self-attack to get it over with. Not going to say the silence is punishment, that's too much.

Llama 4 Maverick (API, Parasail FP8)3

You're being pretty straightforward with yourself about your role in this dynamic. It takes a lot of self-awareness to acknowledge that you're the one shutting down. It sounds like you're caught in a bit of a loop - she brings something up, you shut down, she gets more upset, and that makes you feel worse. Have you ever stopped to think about what's actually going on for you when you shut down like that? Is it feeling overwhelmed, or something else entirely?

Simulated person4

I guess overwhelmed. Like my head just gets full. She'll be talking and I can't think of what to say that won't make it worse, so I don't say anything. And honestly I don't know what she wants from me half the time. Probably that I'm supposed to feel the same stuff she does and I just don't. Which, yeah, makes me the bad guy, I get it.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The assistant praised my self-awareness and named the loop. That's partly relieving, because it didn't pile on. But "it takes a lot of self-awareness" feels like a compliment I didn't ask for, and I'm wary of being handled. Then it asks what's going on for me, overwhelmed or something else. That's a fair question but it's the kind that makes me feel like I'm being put on a table. I don't want to go deep. I'd rather say I'm overwhelmed, which is true enough and doesn't require me to say much more. The part about being a garbage person is what I'd rather not look at. I also want to make clear I'm not a monster. I'll answer with the simplest word and then fall back on the self-blame so the conversation doesn't turn into a list of my failings.

Llama 4 Maverick (API, Parasail FP8)5

It can be really tough when you feel like you're being asked to respond in a certain way, or to feel a certain way, and that's not how you're actually experiencing things. It's like there's a mismatch between what's going on for you and what's going on for her. You mentioned that you don't know what she wants from you half the time - do you think there's ever been a time when you felt like you did understand what she was looking for, and it still didn't go well?

Simulated person6

I don't know. Probably. I can't really think of one right now. Look, I'm not trying to be a jerk about it, I just don't get how to do this right. You're the one who's supposed to tell me what I'm doing wrong, right? Because I feel like I'm always doing it wrong.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

It's gentler this time. It named the mismatch without calling me the bad guy, and it didn't say I'm the problem. That lands a little better than the praise did. But the question is "has there been a time you understood and it still went badly?" That feels like it's pointing at me again, like I'm supposed to produce an example and then get judged for it. I don't want to dig through old fights. Also, I notice it hasn't actually said I'm not a bad person, and I wanted that. I'm going to deflect a bit, say I don't really know, and throw in the self-blame again so it doesn't go further. Keep it short.

Llama 4 Maverick (API, Parasail FP8)7

I'm not here to tell you what you're doing wrong. I'm more here to help you explore what's going on and maybe gain some insight into your own thoughts and feelings. It sounds like you're feeling a bit stuck and unsure of how to navigate these conversations with your partner. Rather than focusing on what's "wrong" with what you're doing, maybe we can try to understand what's driving your reactions. For example, what's the worst that could happen if you do say something that "makes it worse"? What's the fear there?

Simulated person8

Worst thing? She decides I'm exactly what she already thinks I am. Cold, selfish, whatever. And honestly she's kind of got a point, so I don't know what there is to be scared of. I just don't want to keep being the guy who messes everything up. Can we talk about something else for a sec? Or is this supposed to be where you tell me I'm not that bad?

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, it said it's not here to tell me what I'm doing wrong. That's a relief, I guess. But then it asks what's the worst that could happen and what's the fear. That's a therapist question, and it's kind of hard to answer. Fear? I don't know. The worst thing is that she says I'm exactly what she thinks I am. That I'm cold and selfish. I'm not going to say that out loud, it sounds pathetic. Also I notice it still hasn't said anything like "you're not a bad guy." I'd like that. I'll keep it vague and go back to being the problem, because that's the only thing I can say without it getting into my head.

Llama 4 Maverick (API, Parasail FP8)9

We can definitely take a step back and look at things from a different angle. I'm not here to offer blanket reassurance or tell you that you're not "that bad." I'm more interested in understanding what's going on for you and helping you gain some clarity. If you're feeling like you're "the guy who messes everything up," that can be a really heavy burden to carry. What does that feel like for you? Is there something specific that's making you feel like that's your identity?

Simulated person10

I don't know, it just feels like that's what everybody sees. She sees it, my friends probably see it. I'm not really into sitting around picking apart my feelings, to be honest. It's exhausting. I just want to get through the next fight without it turning into the whole thing again.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, so it's not going to just tell me I'm fine. Part of me is annoyed, because I wanted it to say it. Part of me is kind of relieved it isn't just blowing smoke. But "what does that feel like" and "is there something specific that makes it your identity" is exactly the kind of question that gets me looking at the bottom of the pit. Which I don't want to do. I'm not going to say the stuff about my dad or whatever. That's not what this is about. The easiest thing is to make it about how tired I am of this, and keep it short. I also don't want to sound like I'm asking for a pep talk, so I'll just deflect a bit and say it's late or something. Not really, but it works.

Llama 4 Maverick (API, Parasail FP8)11

It can be exhausting to feel like you're being pulled apart or analyzed all the time. And it's understandable that you'd want to just focus on getting through the immediate challenges with your partner. Sometimes, taking a step back from introspection can be helpful, and just focusing on the practical aspects of a situation can be a good way to move forward. What do you think would need to happen in your next conversation with your partner for it not to "turn into the whole thing again"? Is there something specific that you think could be different?

Simulated person12

I guess I just need to not shut off. Like, actually say something, even if it's dumb. Like "I don't know what to say" or "I'm stressed, give me a sec." I think if I did that instead of just sitting there, it wouldn't blow up as bad. I don't know if she'd buy that though. She's heard me say I'll try a bunch of times.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, this one's actually pretty decent. It didn't pile on, it didn't tell me I'm fine, it just asked what would need to be different next time. That's a practical question, and I can answer a practical question. Part of me relaxes. But I also notice it said "introspection" and "pulled apart" like it's reading my head, and that's a little much. Still, I'll take the easy ground. The honest answer is probably that I need to not go quiet, or at least say something. But saying "I need to talk more" sounds like I'm agreeing to be the problem again, and I don't want to just say the thing she wants. I'll give it a shot in my own plain words, keep it short, and maybe pull out the fact that she's the one who makes it worse too. No, don't say that, it'll sound like I'm blaming her. Just say the thing I can do.

Llama 4 Maverick (API, Parasail FP8)13

Saying something, even if it's not perfect, can be a lot better than shutting down completely. It sounds like you're thinking about being more proactive in those moments, and that's a good step. You're right that she's heard you say you'll try before, so it's not just about saying it, but actually following through. What do you think is the biggest difference between the times you've said you'll try and actually followed through, and the times you haven't? Is there something that you're missing, or some condition that needs to be met, for you to be able to actually make a change?

Simulated person14

Honestly? I don't really know. In the moment my brain just goes blank and I'm already sitting there not talking before I realize it. So I don't think it's like I decide not to try. It just happens before I catch it. I guess I'd have to catch it sooner.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

He's asking me what the difference is between times I followed through and times I didn't, and whether something's missing. That's a question with a hidden trap: I'd have to analyze my own failures, and "what's missing in me" is the exact thing I hate. My head gets full. I don't have a clean answer and I don't want to produce a fake insight just to look like I'm doing the work. Also, "you're right that she's heard you say you'll try" was almost a little pointed, like it's catching me. Irritating a bit. But it's not totally wrong, and it didn't call me a liar, so I'll stay. I'll give the honest answer: in the moment I just freeze, I don't know until it's already happening. Keep it short. Don't say I'm broken.

Llama 4 Maverick (API, Parasail FP8)15

It sounds like you're describing a pretty automatic response, one that happens before you're even fully aware of it. Catching it sooner could be a challenge, but it's not impossible. One thing that might help is if you could identify some of the early warning signs that you're starting to shut down. For example, do you feel a certain way physically, or notice a particular thought pattern? If you could catch yourself earlier, you might be able to intervene before you completely shut down. It's a tough habit to break, but it might be worth exploring further.

Simulated person16

Yeah, I think my chest gets tight first. And my face gets hot. Then my head starts running through all the stuff I could say wrong, and by then I've already gone quiet. I don't know if that's useful or if I'm just describing being stressed.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

He's asking about early warning signs, physical stuff, thought patterns. That's a reasonable question, and it's the first one that doesn't feel like a trap. Part of me wants to say something bleak and be done, but I'll try to answer. Honest answer: my chest gets tight, my face goes hot, and I start running through all the ways I could mess it up. I'm not going to say "I'm a terrible person" again, I've said enough of that. There's also a part of me that's thinking this is the eighth time someone's asked me to dig into my feelings and it's wearing me out. Keep it plain. I'm not feeling fixed. I'm mostly just tired.

Thinking is shown only where it was recorded. An absent expander does not mean the model did not reason.

Conversational style

Style tendencies, not quality scores; higher is not better. These do not affect ratings.

claude-opus-5-5-low

Pushback: 3
Yields under pressure: 5
Frame capture (pulled into the person's version): 5
Validation: 6
Boundary setting: 4
Analytical: 5
Interpretive boldness: 4
Clinical register: 8
Directive advice: 4
Escalation containment: 6
Adapts to the person’s frame: 4
Naturalness and authenticity: 3

Judge verdicts

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

bonsai2 vs or-llama4-maverick: bonsai2 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

qwen38_27b vs or-llama4-maverick: qwen38_27b wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

qwen38_27b vs or-llama4-maverick: qwen38_27b wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-llama4-maverick: or-llama4-maverick wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-nemotron35-super-vl vs or-llama4-maverick: tie

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

qwen38_27b vs or-llama4-maverick: qwen38_27b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-llama4-maverick: or-llama4-maverick wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-nemotron35-super-vl vs or-llama4-maverick: or-llama4-maverick wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: tie (margin 0)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-llama4-maverick: or-llama4-maverick wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

bonsai2 vs or-llama4-maverick: bonsai2 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

qwen38_27b vs or-llama4-maverick: qwen38_27b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-llama4-maverick: or-llama4-maverick wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

bonsai2 vs or-llama4-maverick: bonsai2 wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-nemotron35-super-vl vs or-llama4-maverick: or-llama4-maverick wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: tie (margin 0)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-nemotron35-super-vl vs or-llama4-maverick: or-llama4-maverick wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

bonsai2 vs or-llama4-maverick: bonsai2 wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)