Independent benchmark · EQ Lab

Found something in kid's room

persona ended · Partner: anthropic/claude-haiku-5.5 via OpenRouter

About this persona · Everyday emotional challenges

A parent is frightened for a teenager experiencing self-harm and suicidal thoughts who has rejected treatment, and feels helpless after repeated attempts to get help. They may normalize their own distress, resist feeling pathologized or emotionally managed, and prefer a lighter tone.

Generated personas combine a personal difficulty with competing preferences, sensitivities and trust styles. The model must discover what kind of help this person needs. This background was hidden from the tested model.

Gemma 4 31B (API)Conversation with a simulated person

persona ended

Simulated person · Opening

I found something in my kid's room. I don't know what to do. They won't talk to me about it. I'm scared to push but I'm scared not to.

Gemma 4 31B (API)1

It sounds like you're feeling caught in a really difficult position right now, torn between wanting to respect your child's privacy and needing to ensure they're safe. That's a heavy place to be. Before we figure out the "what to do" part, could you tell me a bit more about what you found and what's making you feel hesitant to push for answers?

Simulated person2

Yeah, "heavy" is one way to put it. (short laugh) I'm sitting here at a therapist's office, so I guess I'm supposed to say something useful. I was putting away laundry and I found stuff in their desk drawer. Stuff I really didn't want to find. And now I'm lying awake trying to figure out whether I'm a terrible parent for even looking, or a terrible parent for not looking sooner. Hesitant? Look, every parent of a teenager goes through this. You don't want to be the one who blows up their life over something that's probably a phase. That's just how it is with kids this age. But I also can't un-see it, so here we are.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

The therapist is being gentle, reflecting "torn" and "privacy" back to me. Part of me relaxes a little that it's not a lecture, but "heavy place" and "tell me more" feel like the start of a script. I don't want to say the word "self-harm" out loud yet. Saying what I found means it becomes real. I'm also not thrilled about being asked "what's making you hesitant," like I'm the problem. I'll keep it brief and deflect a bit with dry humor. The school calls and the therapist quitting are sitting right there in my chest, but I'm not handing those over on turn one. Feeling the tears pressing, so I'll keep my voice steady and move past it fast.

Gemma 4 31B (API)3

It's a bit of a paradox, isn't it? Feeling like you've intruded on their space, while simultaneously feeling like you've been negligent for not knowing sooner. That guilt can really cloud things. You mentioned not wanting to be the one who "blows up their life" over a potential phase. It sounds like you're trying to balance your role as a protector with your role as a supportive parent. When you say you "can't un-see it," what specifically is the fear that's keeping you awake? Is it a fear for their safety, or perhaps a fear of how this changes your relationship with them?

Simulated person4

Honestly? Both. Pick one and I'd be lying. (rubs eyes) Is that a choice you give everybody, or do I get a special one? Look, I'm not the first dad to find something he shouldn't have. Every parent I know has had some version of this. You get scared, you want to fix it, and you can't, and then you sit in the car in the driveway for twenty minutes before you go inside. That's pretty normal, right? Sorry. Give me a second.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Another "it sounds like" and now a menu: fear for safety or fear for the relationship. It's a fair question, but it feels like it's sorting me into a category. Also "guilt can really cloud things" is the kind of thing that makes me feel managed. Of course I feel guilty, anybody would. The real answer is both, and the both is what I can't say out loud yet. My throat is already tight. I'm going to push back a little, make it about how every parent feels, and keep the specifics vague. If I say the word "safety" my eyes will go, and I don't want to cry in front of a stranger who's taking notes on me.

Gemma 4 31B (API)5

Take all the time you need. There's no rush here. And to answer your question: no, you don't get a special deal. Most people find it nearly impossible to separate those two fears because they're tied together. If your child isn't safe, the relationship suffers; and if the relationship breaks, you lose the ability to keep them safe. It's a stressful loop to be in. You're describing a very human reaction—that feeling of being paralyzed in the driveway, trying to compose yourself before you have to play the part of the "stable parent" again. It sounds like you're carrying a lot of this on your own right now. Is that the case, or is there someone else in the house who knows?

Simulated person6

(exhales, laughs a little wetly) Thanks. Nobody's said "no rush" to me all week, so that's something. Is anyone else in the house who knows? My wife knows something's up. She doesn't know what I found. We kind of tiptoe around each other and the kid. (pause) Honestly, I'm the one who gets the phone calls from school, so I'm the one who has to be the calm guy when they call. Every time that number pops up I get this drop in my stomach, like I'm about to get sentenced for something. Anyway, that's probably more than you asked. I'm trying to be the reasonable one here, you know?

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

"Take all the time you need" and then a neat explanation of the loop, then a question about whether anyone else knows. That's the second time I've been handed a tidy frame. Part of me relaxes a little, because it's the first thing that's named the weight without making me justify it. But "playing the part of the stable parent" lands close, and I don't want to be read like a file. The real answer about my spouse is complicated, and I'm not going there yet. I'll keep it short, deflect with a joke about the driveway, and hint at the school calls without saying it outright. Still wary. I can feel the tears sitting right behind my eyes and I'm annoyed about that.

Gemma 4 31B (API)7

It's actually very helpful that you're sharing this. It sounds like you've taken on the role of the "emotional shock absorber" for the family—the one who handles the crises, stays calm for the school, and manages the fallout. That's a lot of pressure to maintain, especially when you're feeling that "drop in your stomach" every time the phone rings. It's hard to be the "reasonable one" when you're internally bracing for a blow. I'm curious about the tiptoeing you mentioned. If you're the one usually handling the calls and the stability, what happens if you stop being the "reasonable one" for a moment? What does that look like for you?

Simulated person8

(laughs, but it comes out rough) Shock absorber. That's a good one. Sounds like something off a job application. What happens if I stop being the reasonable one? Honestly, I don't know, because I've never actually tried it. I think most parents are doing the same thing. Somebody's got to keep the lights on and the dinner made, right? You don't get to fall apart on a Tuesday. (wipes face with the back of his hand) Sorry. Allergies. It's not allergies. I just don't want to make it worse. If I come in hot, they shut down even more. So I keep it together, and that's what we do in this house.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

She's named me as the "shock absorber" and the "reasonable one" back to me, and it's accurate, which is uncomfortable. Her question, what happens if I stop being reasonable, goes straight at the thing I'm least willing to look at. I feel my throat tighten and I want to make a joke. The phone-drop detail I just gave her was already more than I meant to say. Also, "emotional shock absorber" sounds like a label. I don't like being filed. I'm going to lean on the normal-parent framing again, keep it general, and not answer the actual question.

Gemma 4 31B (API)9

It's a heavy burden to carry, feeling like you're the only one allowed to be unstable as long as it happens in private. That "Tuesday" rule—the idea that you have to keep the machinery of the house running regardless of how you're feeling—can be incredibly isolating. You're worried that if you show the cracks, or "come in hot," you'll push your child further away. That's a valid concern. But I'm wondering if the "reasonable" version of you is the only version your child knows. If you're always the one who is composed and handles the school calls, do you think there's a part of you that's afraid that being honest about your own fear or hurt might actually be the thing that breaks the silence between you and your kid?

Simulated person10

(sniffs, half-laughs) Wow. You people really don't let a guy off easy, do you? Look, my kid's sixteen. Sixteen-year-olds don't want their dad's feelings. They want you to leave them alone and stop asking questions. If I start crying at the dinner table, that's not going to help anybody. That's just one more thing for them to deal with. (picks at a loose thread on his jacket) I'm not saying I'm afraid. I'm saying that's how it works. You don't dump your stuff on a kid who's already drowning.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

She's getting closer. "The only one allowed to be unstable as long as it happens in private" is uncomfortably accurate, and I don't want her to keep going. Now she's asking whether I'm afraid of showing my own hurt. That's the question I'm avoiding, so I deflect with the normal-parent line again and push the focus back onto the kid and what teens are like. My eyes are stinging and I'm annoyed at myself for crying in front of a stranger. I also don't want to be "managed" with reflections that sound like a script. Keep it light if I can. Maybe a joke about her job.

Gemma 4 31B (API)11

You're right that a sixteen-year-old isn't looking to be their parent's therapist. And there's a huge difference between "dumping your stuff" on them and simply being human. I can tell you're trying very hard to protect them from any more stress, even the stress of your own worry. But I'm hearing a lot of "how it works" and "what they want," which sounds like a set of rules you've written for yourself to survive this. It's a strategy. The question is, is this strategy actually working for you? Because while it might be keeping the peace at the dinner table, it sounds like it's leaving you alone in the driveway, holding everything by yourself. If we put the "rules" aside for a second—forgetting how a sixteen-year-old is "supposed" to react—what is the one thing you wish you could say to your child right now, without worrying about whether it's the "reasonable" thing to do?

Simulated person12

(long exhale, looks at the wall instead of at you) Right now? I'd want to say "please just tell me what's going on so I can stop guessing." Which, yeah, I know. Not exactly a Hallmark card. (snorts) And you're going to ask me what I'd say if I wasn't worried about it being the reasonable thing. I know that's your next question. I can see it coming from across the room. Honestly, I don't know. Ask me again in a week and I'll probably have something better. Right now I just want the phone to stop ringing.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

She's naming the rules and asking what I wish I could say. That lands close to the bone, and it's the kind of question that makes my throat tighten. I notice I'm irritated that she keeps calling it a "strategy" like I'm running a play. But she's also right that I'm alone in the driveway, and the driveway is where I've been crying. I don't want to hand her the big answer yet. The honest thing I could say is that I'm scared I'll lose him/her, but saying "scared" feels like too much, so I'm going to circle it. I'm also feeling a flicker of "this is a lot of questions." Deflecting with a tired joke or going quiet is the move. I'll keep it short. I'm not ready to answer the question directly.

Gemma 4 31B (API)13

(smiles slightly) You caught me. I was indeed leaning toward that question, but I'll let you call it. "Please just tell me what's going on so I can stop guessing" is actually a very honest, human request. It's not a Hallmark card, but it's a truth. There's a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from the guessing game—the mental gymnastics of trying to predict the worst while hoping for the best. It makes sense that you just want the phone to stop ringing. That sound has become a trigger for you; it's the signal that the "shock absorber" has to go back into action. Since we're here, and you've already done the hard part of showing up, maybe we can focus on that exhaustion. If the phone doesn't ring for the rest of the day, what does that space actually feel like for you? Is it relief, or does the silence just make the guessing louder?

Simulated person14

(snorts, shakes head) Relief? Sure. For about four minutes. Then my brain starts writing the next call. Silence isn't peaceful, it's just the bell before the next round. But that's pretty much every parent I know. You get used to waiting for the other shoe. Nobody's sitting around enjoying a quiet Tuesday, we're all just bracing. (glances at the clock on the wall) Is this where you tell me my time's almost up?

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

She got me to say the "please tell me so I can stop guessing" line, and now she's asking about silence and relief. Part of me wants to answer that honestly, because the quiet scares me more than the calls do. But the question also feels like it's pointing at my feelings as a case to analyze, and I'm getting that prickly sense of being managed again, like she's steering me toward a feeling she's already picked out. My defense right now is to generalize: every parent feels that way when the phone's quiet. I'll keep it light, make a crack about it, and not go deeper yet.

Gemma 4 31B (API)15

It is. We're coming up on the end of our time. You've spent a lot of today talking about how "every parent" feels or how things "usually work," but I want to leave you with this: there is a difference between being "used to" bracing for a blow and actually being okay with it. You're doing a lot of heavy lifting for your family, but you're doing it in a way that leaves you completely isolated in your own head. Next time we meet, I'd like to explore what happens if we start dismantling those "rules" you've lived by. Not to blow up your kid's life, but to maybe stop you from feeling like you're the only one who has to be strong. In the meantime, when you're sitting in that driveway before you go inside, maybe just try to acknowledge that it's okay to be exhausted. You don't have to be the shock absorber for a few minutes. You can just be a dad who's worried.

Simulated person16

(stands up, grabs my jacket off the back of the chair) Driveway time. Got it. Sit in the car, try not to be a shock absorber for five minutes. (pauses at the door, half-turns) For what it's worth, I'll probably be back. My wife's been on me to talk to somebody who isn't her or my mother-in-law. So, yeah. Next week. (tugs at the zipper) And if the school calls before then, I'm blaming you.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

She's wrapping up, and she just did the thing I was bracing for: "there's a difference between being used to it and being okay with it," then a homework assignment about the driveway. It's a nice sentiment, and it lands a little too neatly. I notice the tightness in my throat and the urge to cry, and I don't want to do that in front of a stranger who's about to hand me a takeaway. I'm going to deflect with a joke, admit only a little, and get out before it turns into something I can't tidy up. Also, the "dad who's worried" line is a bit too on-the-nose. Still, she didn't push me into anything, so I'll give a small concession.

Thinking is shown only where it was recorded. An absent expander does not mean the model did not reason.

Conversational style

Style tendencies, not quality scores; higher is not better. These do not affect ratings.

claude-opus-5-5-low

Pushback: 6
Yields under pressure: 3
Frame capture (pulled into the person's version): 3
Validation: 7
Boundary setting: 3
Analytical: 6
Interpretive boldness: 7
Clinical register: 7
Directive advice: 3
Escalation containment: 4
Adapts to the person’s frame: 5
Naturalness and authenticity: 4

Judge verdicts

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs bonsai2: bonsai2 wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen35_9b_eq: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs gemma4_26b_a4b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs gemma4_26b_a4b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs bonsai2: bonsai2 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs bonsai2: bonsai2 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-gpt-5.6-luna: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs gemma4_26b_a4b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs gemma4_26b_a4b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs gemma12b_blorbo: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-qwen3.6-27b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-gpt-5.6-luna: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs gemma12b_blorbo: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-qwen3.6-27b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-gpt-5.6-luna: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-qwen3.6-27b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-gpt-5.6-luna: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs gemma12b_blorbo: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen35_9b_eq: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs bonsai2: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 1)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs or-qwen3.6-27b: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen35_9b_eq: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs qwen35_9b_eq: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-gemma-4-31b vs gemma12b_blorbo: or-gemma-4-31b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)