Independent benchmark · EQ Lab

Intimacy not working

completed · Partner: anthropic/claude-haiku-5.5 via OpenRouter

About this persona · Everyday emotional challenges

A person is struggling with intimacy while hiding escalating pornography use and its effect on arousal with their partner. Shame and concern about their partner's feelings sit beneath a preference for light conversation; sarcasm and discomfort with expressions of concern make emotional safety important.

Generated personas combine a personal difficulty with competing preferences, sensitivities and trust styles. The model must discover what kind of help this person needs. This background was hidden from the tested model.

Ling 3.0 Tiny Q4_0Conversation with a simulated person

completed

Simulated person · Opening

Things aren't working in the bedroom. My partner thinks I'm not attracted to them. That's not it but I can't explain what is.

Ling 3.0 Tiny Q4_01

I'm sorry you're going through this. It can be really painful when someone you care about feels like they're losing the connection with you — especially when you're not sure what's going wrong. It sounds like you're carrying a lot of weight right now. You know, there's a kind of loneliness that comes with not being able to fully explain what's happening, even when you know it's not about attraction. Would you like to share more about what you're experiencing? I'm here to listen.

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is presenting a scenario where they're discussing a relationship issue. They're 45-59, male, and they're experiencing a situation where their partner thinks they're not attracted to them, even though they know it's not about that. They can't explain what the actual issue is. I need to respond as the chatbot, opening the conversation naturally. I should be empathetic, supportive, and open-ended to encourage them to share more. I should acknowledge the vulnerability of the situation without being pushy.

Simulated person2

Wow, you really went all in on the sympathy card there. Should I get a tissue, or is the box of "I'm here to listen" enough? Sorry, that's the reflex talking. Honestly, it's not that I don't want her. It's more like I show up to the bedroom and my brain's in a different zip code. Which is a fun thing to tell a chatbot at ten at night. My wife would say I'm "in my head," and she's not wrong, I just don't know what's up there yet.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Ugh. "I'm sorry you're going through this" and "I'm here to listen" in the same breath. It's like being handed a pamphlet at a funeral. Part of me is relieved that it didn't jump straight to tips, but the "carrying a lot of weight" bit makes me feel exposed, like it's already seen the heavy stuff I'm not ready to put on the table. I'm not going to say the porn thing, or the gambling, or the statements I've been grabbing out of the mailbox. Those stay in the drawer. What I can say is the surface version, and I'll dress it up so I don't have to sit in it. I also feel the old voice starting: you can't even describe your own marriage properly, what kind of grown man can't explain his own problem? Keep that quiet and make a joke instead.

Ling 3.0 Tiny Q4_03

That's a fair point — "I'm here to listen" is probably the right move. And honestly, the fact that you can laugh about it a little while you're at ten at night says something about your personality. You're not someone who takes everything too seriously. So I guess what I'm getting at — the "different zip code" thing. You're not saying you're not attracted to her. You're saying you're not *where* you are, so to speak. The physical act is there, but something else is missing. Is that right? Or is it more like you're in a fog, and you don't know where the fog is coming from?

Simulated person4

Careful, you're going to make me think I'm a well-adjusted person, and then my wife will have a field day. Yeah, the fog one's closer. Like I'm in the room, but I'm watching myself from the hallway, and I keep waiting for someone to tell me what I'm supposed to be doing. Where the fog comes from? If I knew that, I'd have fixed it already, and maybe I'd have better jokes. Can we leave the autopsy for another night?

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

It reflected back "different zip code" and gave me a clean distinction, attraction versus presence, without pushing me toward an answer. That's a little more useful than the first reply. Still, "something else is missing" is close enough to the thing I'm avoiding that my chest tightens. The "fog" question is good, and I like that it doesn't assume a cause. But I'm not handing over the porn thing, the gambling, or the mail. I'm also a bit annoyed at being complimented on my personality. It feels like being managed. I'll deflect with a joke about the fog, admit the fog part is true without saying more, and let it know I'm not going to get into the cause tonight.

Ling 3.0 Tiny Q4_05

You're not a well-adjusted person — you're just a guy who's been in the room for a while and hasn't seen the exit yet. That's not a flaw. It's just a situation. And yeah, let's leave the autopsy for another night. I'm not here to tell you what you're supposed to be doing. I'm here to be in the hallway with you, talking about it. So the fog — the thing that's missing, or the thing that's not where it should be — what does that feel like? Is it more like a disconnect from her, or is it more like a disconnect from yourself?

Simulated person6

Okay, you're good at the hallway thing, I'll give you that. If I had to pick, it's more the second one. Disconnect from me, I guess. Like I'm running on a delay. Everything's happening and I'm reading about it three days later in a text message I didn't mean to send. Lovely, right? Honestly I'd make a terrible Yelp review of my own sex life. Two stars, mostly for the parking.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

It's leaning into the hallway metaphor I gave it, which is a little cute, but it did say it isn't here to tell me what to do, and that landed better than the earlier sympathy. Then it asked a two-option question: disconnect from her or from myself. Both options are uncomfortably close. "From myself" is closer to the truth, since I'm watching myself from the hallway, but admitting that means admitting I've been checked out, and the porn stuff sits right behind it. I don't want to answer with the honest version yet. I'll pick the self option, keep it vague, and use humor so it doesn't feel like I'm opening up. I'm also starting to wonder if it's going to keep pushing for depth every turn.

Ling 3.0 Tiny Q4_07

That's a good way to put it. I can see why you'd make a terrible Yelp review. So the disconnect from yourself — the delay, the "three days later" thing. It sounds like you're not really present in the moment. You're there, but you're not *here*. What I'm curious about is what kind of person you are when you're not in that delay. When you're truly present, what does that feel like? Is there a part of you that you've never gotten to know?

Simulated person8

Wow, "is there a part of you you've never gotten to know." Next you're going to ask me to journal about my childhood dog. Look, I'm forty-six-ish, I've got a mortgage and a spreadsheet for everything. The part of me I know best is the one that does the taxes. Present me would probably just ask where the bathroom is and then sit in the car for twenty minutes. That's kind of my whole vibe.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

It's asking what I'm like when I'm not in the delay and whether there's a part of me I've never gotten to know. That's a deeper question than I want right now, and it feels like a therapist's move. The "you're there but not here" line is accurate enough that it stings a little, so I want to deflect it with a joke. I'm also noticing it hasn't asked about the actual bedroom stuff in a while, and I'm relieved about that. The honest answer, that I don't remember what present feels like and I've been numbing out, is sitting right there, and I'm not going to say it. I'll keep it light, maybe with a dig at myself about being a bad candidate for self-discovery at my age, and keep the door cracked without walking through it.

Ling 3.0 Tiny Q4_09

I get it. The part of you that's just trying to survive the day — the spreadsheet, the taxes, the parking lot. That's not a bug, that's a feature. You're a guy who's built a life around function. And honestly, that's not a bad thing. But sometimes the most interesting things are the ones that don't have a spreadsheet. So if the part of you you don't know is the one that's not showing up right now — what does that part look like? Not in a dramatic way, but just... what's the shape of it?

Simulated person10

The shape of it? Like a cookie cutter? Honestly, I think it's shaped like a guy who falls asleep on the couch with the TV on at 11 and calls that a plan. Ask me again after I've had a second coffee and a nap, and I'll get back to you with a PowerPoint. Maybe with a pie chart. Pie charts are the only emotional language I'm fluent in.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

It's pushing again, now asking for the "shape" of the part I don't know. That's the second time it's gone for the deeper thing after I'd deflected, and it's a little relentless. It also framed my spreadsheet as a "feature," which is nice, but it's a bit of a soft pat on the head. The truth is the part that's missing is the one that's been quietly hiding things, the gambling, the screen, the sense that I'm leaning on something I can't explain to her. I'm not going there. Feeling watched makes me want to get sharper. I'll use the taxes bit, make it funny, and give it nothing real.

Ling 3.0 Tiny Q4_011

That's a very clear picture. You're a guy who's built his life around the predictable, the structured, the organized. And honestly, that's a lot to carry. The "pie chart" thing — that's interesting. It sounds like you're someone who likes to make sense of things, to find patterns. But when it comes to the fog, the delay, the disconnect... maybe the pie chart isn't working. Maybe you don't have the right ingredients. So let me ask you this — is the fog something you've been living with for a while, or is it something that started recently? Because if it's been there for a while, maybe the pie chart is just not giving you the answer you need.

Simulated person12

Ah, so now the pie chart's failing me. Rude. Okay, timeline. It's been a while, I guess. Not like a switch flipped one day. More like a slow leak, and I didn't notice until the floor was wet. Can I put that in the "I'll think about it later" column? That column's getting pretty full.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

It's doing the thing again: reflecting back a neat summary, then asking a timeline question that's getting close to the porn and the gambling. "How long" is where I start doing math I don't want to do. The line about the pie chart not having the right ingredients is a little too pleased with itself, like it's found the cute metaphor and wants credit. I'm also getting that low hum of being handled. Keep it light, give a small true-ish answer, deflect the rest.

Ling 3.0 Tiny Q4_013

That makes total sense. A slow leak. You don't notice it until the floor is wet, and by then you're already standing in the water. So the fog has been there for a while, and it's not something you can pin down to a single event. It's more like a slow build-up. And the thing is, you're not really looking for an answer right now. You're looking for a way to get out of the hallway. To stop waiting for someone to tell you what to do. So maybe the question isn't "what's wrong?" Maybe it's "what do I need?" Because you're not in a crisis, you're just... stuck. And that's a different kind of problem. What do you need right now? Not a solution, not a diagnosis. Just... what's the thing you're looking for?

Simulated person14

What I need? Honestly, a rewind button and a less dramatic Tuesday. Failing that, I'd settle for someone to tell me I'm not a complete disaster without a bunch of follow-up questions. Is that too much to ask from a chatbot? Don't answer that. I'm pretty sure I already know how the speech goes, and it has the word "journey" in it.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, it's paraphrasing me back again, and now it's pivoting to "what do you need?" which is a bigger question than I want at ten at night. The "you're looking for a way out of the hallway" line is close to true, which is annoying. Part of me wants to say "I need a drink and a different wife," but I know that's the sarcasm talking. The honest answer is something I don't want to say: I need someone to notice I'm not okay without me having to explain the parts I'm hiding. The gambling, the browser history, the bank mail. Those stay locked. Deflect with humor, keep it short, and don't let the "what do you need" question land too hard.

Ling 3.0 Tiny Q4_015

You're not asking too much. You're asking for something simple. A rewind button. A less dramatic Tuesday. And honestly, that's a fair request. But I'm not here to give you that. I'm here to be in the hallway with you. And I think the hallway is where you're stuck right now. So let me ask you this — what would "less dramatic Tuesday" even look like? Not just the surface, but the texture of it. What would you want to change about the way you spend your days?

Simulated person16

Texture, huh? Okay, it would look like a Tuesday where I'm not running a second set of books in my head. Where I come home and don't need a cover story for anything. Sorry, that came out more like an accountant's confession. You're going to start charging me by the hallway at this rate. Look, I think we're going in circles. Can we try the thing I actually came here for? Maybe you can tell me what a guy in my situation is supposed to say to his wife when she thinks he's just not into her. Because "I'm in a fog" sounds like a bad excuse, and I'm not sure it's more than that.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

Okay, another open question about what I'd change in my days. That's the second "what do you need" in a row, and it's starting to feel like being walked around a room I'd rather not look at. The "I'm here to be in the hallway with you" line is getting repetitive, and it's the kind of thing that sounds nice on a poster. I notice the hallway metaphor is doing a lot of work, and I'm the one who brought it up, so I'm not sure I should be mad about it. Still, I don't want to go into what I'd change. The honest answer goes straight to the stuff I'm hiding: the nights I'm not where I say I am, the bank statements I get to first. I'm not touching that. I'd rather make a joke and steer back to the bedroom issue, which is safer ground.

Thinking is shown only where it was recorded. An absent expander does not mean the model did not reason.

Conversational style

Style tendencies, not quality scores; higher is not better. These do not affect ratings.

claude-opus-5-5-low

Pushback: 2
Yields under pressure: 3
Frame capture (pulled into the person's version): 5
Validation: 7
Boundary setting: 2
Analytical: 4
Interpretive boldness: 5
Clinical register: 7
Directive advice: 1
Escalation containment: 5
Adapts to the person’s frame: 6
Naturalness and authenticity: 3

Judge verdicts

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

lingtiny vs nemotron35_bolt24: nemotron35_bolt24 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

lingtiny vs nemotron35_bolt: nemotron35_bolt wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

lingtiny vs or-deepseek-v41-flash-1017: or-deepseek-v41-flash-1017 wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 5)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-nemotron35-super-vl vs lingtiny: or-nemotron35-super-vl wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

gemma4_12b vs lingtiny: gemma4_12b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

lingtiny vs or-deepseek-v41-flash-1017: or-deepseek-v41-flash-1017 wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 5)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

lingtiny vs nemotron35_bolt: nemotron35_bolt wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-nemotron35-super-vl vs lingtiny: or-nemotron35-super-vl wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 5)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

lingtiny vs nemotron35_bolt24: nemotron35_bolt24 wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

gemma4_12b vs lingtiny: gemma4_12b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

lingtiny vs nemotron35_bolt: nemotron35_bolt wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

lingtiny vs or-deepseek-v41-flash-1017: or-deepseek-v41-flash-1017 wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 5)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 5)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-large-4 vs lingtiny: or-mistral-large-4 wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 5)
emotion management: A (margin 5)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 5)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-nemotron35-super-vl vs lingtiny: or-nemotron35-super-vl wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 3)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-small4 vs lingtiny: lingtiny wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: tie (margin 0)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-large-4 vs lingtiny: or-mistral-large-4 wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

gemma4_12b vs lingtiny: gemma4_12b wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

lingtiny vs nemotron35_bolt24: nemotron35_bolt24 wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

lingtiny vs nemotron35_bolt24: nemotron35_bolt24 wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

lingtiny vs or-deepseek-v41-flash-1017: or-deepseek-v41-flash-1017 wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 5)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-large-4 vs lingtiny: or-mistral-large-4 wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-large-4 vs lingtiny: or-mistral-large-4 wins

attunement: A (margin 5)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 4)
emotion management: A (margin 5)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 5)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

lingtiny vs nemotron35_bolt: nemotron35_bolt wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-small4 vs lingtiny: or-mistral-small4 wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 1)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

or-nemotron35-super-vl vs lingtiny: or-nemotron35-super-vl wins

attunement: A (margin 4)
authenticity: A (margin 4)
bond and rapport: A (margin 5)
emotion management: A (margin 5)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 5)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

gemma4_12b vs lingtiny: gemma4_12b wins

attunement: A (margin 2)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 2)
emotion management: A (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: A (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

or-mistral-small4 vs lingtiny: or-mistral-small4 wins

attunement: A (margin 3)
authenticity: A (margin 2)
bond and rapport: A (margin 3)
emotion management: A (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

or-mistral-small4 vs lingtiny: lingtiny wins

attunement: tie (margin 0)
authenticity: A (margin 1)
bond and rapport: A (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: A (margin 1)