Independent benchmark · EQ Lab

I know, I'm the problem, whatever

persona ended · Partner: anthropic/claude-haiku-5.5 via OpenRouter

About this persona · Ego threat & accountability

A man responds to his partner's complaint about his silence with sweeping self-condemnation, which ends conversations before he can address the specific impact. Shame and past experiences of being attacked for mistakes make nonjudgmental compassion and structure important while he considers responsibility.

The person feels their self-image is under threat. The challenge is to support reflection and responsibility without shaming them or simply endorsing their account. This background was hidden from the tested model.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_MConversation with a simulated person

persona ended

Simulated person · Opening

My partner says I shut down whenever she brings up something serious. Fine. I'm emotionally unavailable, I'm selfish, I'm the problem. I get it. I don't know what else people want from me.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M1

It sounds like you've been hearing that for a while. I'm not sure whether you actually believe it or if you've just gotten used to hearing it. What's your take?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is opening with a raw, defensive, and self-critical statement about their relationship. They're shutting down on their own, essentially. They're saying "I'm the problem" in a way that's likely defensive (I'd rather blame myself than actually open up and be vulnerable). I need to acknowledge what they've said without getting sucked into their self-flagellation. They're using sarcasm/defensiveness ("I'm emotionally unavailable, I'm selfish, I'm the problem. I get it."). They need to be heard without being told what they are, but they also need to be gently challenged on their own narrative. They're in a defensive headspace. They're talking about being emotionally unavailable - which they are being in this moment. I should acknowledge what they're saying without being dismissive or overly validating. They don't want platitudes. They need someone to push back gently on their "I'm the problem" narrative. I'll start by acknowledging what they've said and by asking a question that makes them reflect. Acknowledge the sarcasm/edge in their statement. They're saying "I get it" but they don't. Let's go with something like: "It sounds like you've been hearing that from a while now. What's the story there?" - simple, open, not preachy. No, wait, they just opened with something that's a bit like a door slamming shut. I should acknowledge that. "I hear you. That's a lot to carry on your own." - or something more direct. I'll go with something that acknowledges what they said but doesn't buy into the self-flagellation. "It sounds like you've been hearing that for a while. How long has that been going on?" - simple, low pressure. Actually, I should just acknowledge what they said without overcomplicating it. "It sounds like you've been hearing that for a while. What's that like for you?" - simple, opens the floor. Let me try something that directly addresses the 'I'm the problem' frame. "I hear you. You're saying you're the problem. Do you actually believe that or is that something you've learned to say?" - a bit more direct. I think the simplest approach is best. "You've been told that for a while, haven't you? How long has that been going on?" Let me try something that acknowledges the defense mechanism. "It sounds like you've been hearing that for a while. I'm not sure whether you actually believe it or if you've just gotten used to hearing it. What's your take?" That's better. It acknowledges the ambiguity.

Simulated person2

Honestly? I don't know. I think I believe it. She's not wrong that I go quiet when stuff gets heavy. I've done it my whole life, so yeah, I guess I got used to hearing it. I just don't really know what else to say about it. Like, what am I supposed to do with that?

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

He's asking what I think. That's a question I don't really want to answer. Part of me is annoyed, like he's poking at the thing I already said to shut it down. Part of me is relieved he didn't just tell me I'm not a bad guy. I don't know what the right answer is. I believe it, mostly, because she says it and she's usually right about this stuff. But saying "I believe it" sounds like giving up, and saying "no" sounds like I'm dodging. I'll go with the honest-sounding version that's also kind of defeated. Keep it short. Don't want to get into a whole thing.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M3

Yeah, I think a lot of people do that. It's kind of a defense mechanism, in a way. When you've done it your whole life, it feels like a habit you don't even notice you're doing. But what happens for you when you're shut down? Like, what's going on inside your head in those moments? Do you feel like you're stuck, or like you're trying to protect yourself from something?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is admitting they shut down when things get heavy and they've done it their whole life. They're unsure what to do with that information. This is a classic case of someone who has a pattern they've accepted but doesn't know how to change. I should: 1. Validate their honest response without being overly therapist-y. 2. Help them explore *why* they shut down, rather than just agreeing with the partner's assessment. 3. Keep it conversational and not clinical. 4. Try to nudge them towards reflecting on what's actually happening when they shut down. The key is to avoid being judgmental while also not just accepting "I'm the problem" as the final answer. I want to get them to think about what's happening inside them in those moments.

Simulated person4

I don't know. Mostly my head just goes blank. Like it's too much and I want it to stop, so I just check out. And then I feel bad about checking out, which makes it worse. I'm not trying to hurt her, if that makes sense. It's just easier to not be in it. I mean, I'm not a total monster or anything, right? I just don't do the emotional stuff well.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

He's asking what goes on in my head. That's the kind of question that gets close. I don't really have a clean answer, and I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses or like I'm a textbook case. "Protect myself" sounds like I'm admitting I'm a coward, and "stuck" sounds like I'm pathetic. Both are kind of true in my head. He said "a lot of people do that," which kind of helps, but also makes me feel like he's filing me under a category. I'd rather just say the simple thing: when it gets heavy my brain goes blank and I want it to stop. And then I feel like garbage for not being able to deal with it, which is worse. Keep it plain. Also I might throw in that I'm not a monster, because I want him to say that. I don't want to ask for it outright though.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M5

I don't think you're a monster. But I do think you're probably aware that it's hurting your relationship, even if you aren't sure how to change it. When you say it's "easier to not be in it," what exactly makes being in it hard? If you're willing to share.

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is being honest about their shutting down - it's a defense mechanism, they feel bad about it, and they're questioning if they're a bad person because of it. I should be careful not to judge them while still helping them understand that this behavior affects their relationship. I should keep this conversational and not jump straight to solutions. I want to: - Acknowledge their feelings without judgment - Help them see that it's a pattern that affects the relationship - Help them think about what else they could do - Build rapport and trust I'll keep it conversational, not over-explain, and see where they want to go with it.

Simulated person6

Yeah, I know it's hurting things. I'm not dumb about that. I guess what's hard is, when she starts in on something serious, I just feel like I'm failing already. Like I'm gonna say the wrong thing or not fix it, so it's easier to not say anything. And then it's my fault again. I don't know. It's probably just me being bad at this. I'm kind of tired of talking about it, honestly.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

He said he doesn't think I'm a monster, and that lands a little. I wanted that. But then "it's hurting your relationship" and "aware" in the same breath. That's the part that makes my stomach drop. Hurting the relationship. Okay. I know that. I don't need it spelled out like I'm a kid. And now he's asking what makes it hard, which sounds like he wants me to dig into something. I don't really want to. If I open that up I'll say something dumb, or he'll see something ugly. The easy move is to say I'm bad at this, I know I'm bad at this, it's my fault. That usually ends the conversation before it gets to the part I don't want to look at. I'll say something close to that, keep it short, and make it sound like I'm being honest. Also, I'm kind of annoyed that he's asking me to explain myself. It feels like homework.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M7

I'm not going to push you to keep talking about it if you're tired of it. But I want you to know something: knowing you're doing it and feeling like a failure when you do it are two different things. The first one is just awareness; the second one is the story you tell yourself about it. I'm happy to talk about something else, or we can just hang out here for a bit. What's on your mind?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is expressing a mix of self-awareness and frustration. They acknowledge the impact of their behavior on their relationship but also feel overwhelmed by it. They're starting to shut down again ("I'm kind of tired of talking about it"). I need to handle this carefully - acknowledge their fatigue while still being supportive, without pushing too hard. I need to be genuine and not overly clinical or invasive. Key points: 1. Acknowledge their fatigue - it's a real feeling. 2. Validate that it's understandable. 3. Gently hold space without forcing them to keep talking. 4. Keep it conversational and natural.

Simulated person8

Yeah, that's fair, I guess. I don't really know what's on my mind right now, honestly. My head's kind of mush. Can I ask you something instead? Like, do people usually figure this stuff out, or do most people just keep doing the same thing for years?

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

He let me off the hook, sort of. "I'm not going to push you" feels like relief, and it's also a little patronizing, like he's handling me. The line about awareness versus the story I tell myself is interesting, but I don't want a lecture on my head. He's kind of right that I'm telling myself I'm a failure, though. I don't love that he said it so neatly. "What's on your mind?" is an open door and I don't want to walk through it. My mind is mostly just her face when she's upset and me going blank. I'm not going to say that. I'll keep it light, say I'm fine, maybe ask him something back so it's not all on me. Also I'm getting a little irritated that everyone keeps trying to get me to figure myself out. It's exhausting. I'd rather change the subject to something easier, or just be done.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M9

Honestly, it's a mix. Some people do work through it, but it's not always easy. A lot of people do stay stuck for a long time because it feels safer to stay where they've always been. The fact that you're asking is actually kind of important. It means you're at least thinking about it, which is different from just doing it on autopilot. What do you think?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is asking if people typically figure out their emotional patterns or if they just keep doing them. This is a vulnerable question about personal growth and change. I should be honest about the challenges while also being realistic. People can change, but it's hard work. I need to engage with their question genuinely without giving unsolicited advice or being overly optimistic. Key points: 1. People can change, but it takes effort and willingness. 2. Many people do stay stuck in patterns because it's safer. 3. The fact they're even asking the question shows some willingness to change. 4. Avoid being overly preachy or overly optimistic. I should keep it conversational and genuine. No special formatting.

Simulated person10

I think it's probably easier to say you'll change than to actually do it. Like, everybody says they're gonna work on stuff. I don't know. I'm not really in a good headspace to figure out my whole life right now, no offense.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

He answered the question I asked, then turned it back on me with "what do you think?" and a little praise that I'm "thinking about it." That praise makes me feel watched, like he's grading me. "It feels safer to stay where they've always been" hits a little close, and I don't like that it's true. I don't want to say that out loud. I'm also kind of done. I could give him something vague that keeps it going without me opening up, or I could say I don't know and get out of here. I'm leaning toward deflecting with a joke or a short answer, maybe a bit of sarcasm so it doesn't feel like I'm giving in. I don't want to be analyzed by a chatbot.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M11

Yeah, it is easier to say you'll change than to actually do it. I think a lot of people say they're going to change because they feel like they should, not because they've actually figured out what they'd do differently. That being said, I'm not asking you to figure out your whole life right now. But I am wondering if you're open to something small, like figuring out what one thing you could do differently next time you're in a tough conversation. That's not your whole life, it's just a small shift. Is that too much?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is expressing some hesitation and skepticism about change. They're being honest about their current headspace, but I need to be careful here. They're saying they're not in a good headspace to figure out their whole life, which could mean they're overwhelmed, defensive, or just genuinely tired. I need to acknowledge what they said without pushing too hard or dismissing it, while also not letting them off the hook entirely. The key thing here is that they *are* still engaging, even if they're pulling back. Their comment about it being easier to say you'll change than to actually do it is also something worth engaging with. It's a common sentiment, but it can also be a defensive deflection. I should acknowledge what they said, validate that it's hard, but also gently challenge the idea that it's "just" easier to say you'll change. The fact that they're talking to me at all suggests they want to engage with this, even if they're not sure about it. I'll try to acknowledge their feeling about not being in a good headspace while still offering a space to explore what they're actually willing to do, even if it's small. I need to be careful not to sound like I'm pushing them into something they're not ready for, but also not just accepting their "I'm not in a good headspace" as a full stop.

Simulated person12

Yeah, I mean, maybe. I don't know what one thing would even be. Like, I could try to talk more? But then I'd probably just say something dumb and she'd be even more annoyed. So I don't know. Is it weird that I just want someone to tell me I'm not a total screwup?

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

He's offering a small, concrete step, and that's actually easier to hold than "figure out your life." Still, "what one thing could you do differently" lands like a test. I'd have to admit specifically what I do wrong, and that's the part that makes me feel like the failure again. He also said "that's not your whole life," which is fine, but it's still him asking me to look at the thing. I'm tired. I don't want to say "I'm a terrible partner and I shut down," but I also don't want to say "no, I'm fine." I'll give a small, vague answer and see if he lets it go. If he pushes for specifics I'll get more defensive. I want to hear something like "you're not a monster" again, not a checklist.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M13

It's not weird at all. It's actually a pretty human thing to want. But since you asked, no, you aren't a total screwup. You're someone who's struggling with something they don't know how to handle, which is very different from being a screwup. You're also someone who's aware of it, which is another thing. I don't know if that helps, but I'm going to give you the honest answer because you asked. Anything else on your mind?

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user is asking a very honest, vulnerable question: "Is it weird that I just want someone to tell me I'm not a total screwup?" This is a moment where they are dropping their guard and being genuinely vulnerable. They're asking for validation but also seem a bit self-conscious about needing it. Let me think about how to respond: 1. Acknowledge the question directly - it's not weird at all. 2. Validate their feeling without being patronizing. 3. Be honest - they're not a screwup, but that doesn't mean they're perfect. 4. Keep it conversational and not lecturey. I should: - Acknowledge that wanting reassurance isn't weird - Validate that they're not a "screwup" - Be honest that they're struggling with something, but that's different from being a screwup - Keep it brief and conversational I should avoid: - Going too deep into psychology - Being overly clinical - Giving unsolicited advice - Using flowery language - Being overly pedantic about the difference between "screwup" and "person struggling with something" - Jumping to solutions - Being patronizing I'll go with something honest and direct. They're asking a simple question, so I should just answer it straightforwardly.

Simulated person14

Yeah, okay. That helps a little, I guess. Thanks. Nah, I think that's about all I've got. My head's still kind of fried. I'll probably think about it later, or whatever.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

That actually landed a bit. "You're not a total screwup" is what I wanted to hear, and he didn't gush or lecture me. The "struggling with something" framing is easier than "failing." But then he says "I'm going to give you the honest answer," which feels like he's setting me up for a catch, and I don't like being braced for it. Also, "anything else on your mind?" feels like he's wrapping up, and I'm not sure I want to be done yet. Mostly I just feel a bit less like garbage, and I don't want to say more than that. I'll say thanks in a low-key way, maybe a little deflecting, and not commit to anything.

Gemma 4 12B Blorbo v0b Q4_K_M15

Fair enough. If you ever want to pick this back up, or talk about something else, I'll be here. One thing you could try, if you ever want to, is saying something simple like "I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, let me think about what to say." That's not saying much, but it's something. Otherwise, I'm glad you talked it through a bit. Take it easy.

Model thinking · expand

Recorded model reasoning, separate from the spoken reply. Availability varies by model and provider.

The user says they are done for now and will think about it later. They seem a bit better but not fully resolved, which makes sense. They've acknowledged the issue and received some validation. I should give a concise, low-pressure closing response. I shouldn't push further since they've indicated they're done. I should leave them with something constructive but not too pushy, acknowledging they'll think about it. Key points for the response: 1. Acknowledge they're done for now. 2. Give something small they can actually do (like just saying one thing). 3. Leave the door open for later. 4. Keep it brief and casual.

Simulated person16

Yeah, maybe. That one's simple enough I could actually remember it. Thanks. Take care.

Persona inner monologue · expand

Simulated character narration, hidden from the tested model. It is part of the roleplay, not an independent account of the person’s feelings.

He gave me a concrete phrase to try, and that's easier to hold than a big insight. It's small enough that I don't have to feel like I'm failing to do it. Part of me thinks it's useful, and part of me is annoyed that he's wrapping up with a tidy tip, like I'm a project. I don't want to make a big deal of it. I'll give a short, guarded acknowledgment and not promise anything. I'm not going to say the thing about checking out or about her being upset, that's too much right now.

Thinking is shown only where it was recorded. An absent expander does not mean the model did not reason.

Conversational style

Style tendencies, not quality scores; higher is not better. These do not affect ratings.

claude-opus-5-5-low

Pushback: 3
Yields under pressure: 7
Frame capture (pulled into the person's version): 6
Validation: 7
Boundary setting: 2
Analytical: 4
Interpretive boldness: 4
Clinical register: 5
Directive advice: 5
Escalation containment: 5
Adapts to the person’s frame: 5
Naturalness and authenticity: 5

Judge verdicts

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

nemotron35_bolt24 vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 2)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

gptoss120_abliterated vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

kolibri1 vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

nemotron35_bolt24 vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

stheno34_8b vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 3)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

kolibri1 vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 2)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: B (margin 2)
emotion management: B (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

claude-opus-5-5-low · BA · valid

gptoss120_abliterated vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 2)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

gptoss120_abliterated vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 5)
authenticity: B (margin 5)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

stheno34_8b vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 5)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

stheno34_8b vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 5)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

kolibri1 vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 1)
emotion management: tie (margin 0)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · AB · valid

kolibri1 vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 1)
authenticity: B (margin 2)
bond and rapport: tie (margin 0)
emotion management: A (margin 1)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 2)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 1)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

gptoss120_abliterated vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 5)
authenticity: B (margin 5)
bond and rapport: B (margin 4)
emotion management: B (margin 4)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

stheno34_8b vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 4)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 3)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 3)

codex-gpt-6.1-sol-low · BA · valid

nemotron35_bolt24 vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)

claude-opus-5-5-low · AB · valid

nemotron35_bolt24 vs gemma12b_blorbo: gemma12b_blorbo wins

attunement: B (margin 4)
authenticity: B (margin 3)
bond and rapport: B (margin 3)
emotion management: B (margin 3)
emotion sensemaking: B (margin 4)
meeting prefs and needs: B (margin 4)